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Army v Navy Crawl 2006

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At an ungodly hour 3 brave travellers departed BFG towards London Village. These were Sluice_dweller, Smoojalooge and TheBull140. Their aim was to get to the home of rugby and watch the annual Army Vs Navy Rugby Game. When they arrived at Stanstead Airport the time was still early so they decided that it was far to early to head to the big city and O'Neils in the airport seemed rather inviting. After a quick breakfast while they waited for the arrival of IrishDoris the beer started to flow. They were quickly joined by a large balding fella who recognised sloosy. It first appeared that Irish doris had let herself go a bit but apparently this was FluffyBunny who had decided to skive work and join them. Once IrishDoris had actually arrived a few more beers got drank and the group (minus fluffy who had gone back to work) headed towards our nations capital. Upon arrival in London TheBull140 had to nip off to sort some admin and smoojalooge had to nip off to soho to buy grot. After completing their tasks the group tried to reunite via the medium of text messaging. The next contact was from Thebull140 who after asking where they were headed towards bank station. The next conversation went like this.


TheBull140 - Right smooje i'm at Bank station where abouts are you

Smoojalooge - What you doing there

TheBull140 - You sent me a text saying you were at bank

Smoojalooge - I sent you a text saying we were at A bank.

TheBull140 - Twat

Smoojalooge - Muppet


When finally meeting it was decided to have a few more beers then head towards Poppy who was accomodating Irishdoris for the evening. Once meeting a few more beers were consumed then our brave heroes headed to the floor they were crashing on that evening (Via a few more drinks).


The next morning the group convened in The Falcon near Clapham Common where they were joined by DozyBint, Liz the nurse and TankiesYank. The latter of which is actually a real American and doesn't just have a clever name. The group then consumed a few more alcoholic beverages, purchased some for the remainder of their journey and headed towards Twickers. What followed next was probably the worst game of rugby ever played at twickenham and the highlights of it were a nice fight in the first half and some bloke dressed as scooby doo trying to get on the pitch. Unfortunately this second occurrence was missed as everybody had already buggered off to the pub.


The crawl gathered in The Twickenham Tup (minus Dozy and Tankiesyank) and were quickly joined by Dale the snail, Goku and a gimp. The gimp apparently belonged to 2 Para and was not, as initially thought, a member of Dales regular entourage. More alcohol flowed, the gimp was abused and Dale and IrishDoris harassed every bloke in the place until they were stopped by Smooje and Bully who pointed out they actually knew their latest target. Dale was quickly calmed down by the administering of a cold shower. The coldness was required to stop her trying to hump everything in sight and the shower element was required because, as we all know, dale stinks. This was provided courtesy of a random pint being left on the table and poured over dales head. The cocktail of wooden floor plus beer plus drunken idiots made for hour of highly amusing falling over. Special mention has to be given to liz the nurse who concocted the best excuse of the evening "I slipped while i was trying to put belly button fluff in somebodies mouth". However the best fall of the evening went to TheBull140 who managed to go arrse over tit so much his shoulders hit the ground before his feet did. Not only did this cause fits of laughter in all assembled but it caused the bar to shake in a way last seen in San Fransisco circa 1906 (for those that don't get this reference see here). After this mass devastation the group headed their separate ways.

Gillylady I was there and witnessed it!


The next morning the previous nights arrangements to reconvene in The Church had been totally forgotten and the attempts to regroup went something like this


TheBull140 - Hello

Smoojalooge - WE'RE IN THE CHURCH (hangs up)

TheBull140 - Twat

Smoojalooge - Muppet (he probably said this anyway)


Once everyone had finally made it another days drinking commenced. To a lot of the party the church was a new phenomenon and they were duly gobsmacked by the venue, the level of drunkenness at 1 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon and the amount of totty in there. The girls initially enjoyed this much more than the blokes as half the clientele seemed to be drunk international rugby players including a few world cup winners. Their enjoyment was quickly usurped when the MC announced the strippers would be onstage soon. Once the church finished the tradition of heading towards Backpackers at Kings Cross was followed and more alcohol flowed.

By the time Backpackers ended the group had thinned considerably. The remainders, led by Smoojalooge, headed off into the london sunset attempting to find Walkabouts at Shepards Bush. It's important to remember this group was being led by smoojalooge so their destination very quickly turned into anywhere except where they wanted to be. After stopping in ealing to get directions they managed to get back on track and ended up at walkabouts with plenty of time to spare for smooje to take to the dancefloor and proceed to have what appeared to everyone else to be an epileptic fit, although he called it dancing.

The next day some very tired and weary individuals boarded a flight BFG bound swearing that it'll take them a year to recover and get ready for the next one. Just before they boarded somebody asked them if they knew the score from the game. Everyone just shrugged as they realised that nobody remembered, or cared.