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Dictionary

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The Dictionary - A one stop shop for Soldier speak

Note: Link entries to wiki page if one exists.


Copying From Viz's 'Roger's Profanisaurus' isn't big, clever or funny; either be original or stay in your box.

A

Aeroplane Blonde 
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
Air Biscuit. 
A quiet, yet horribly smelly fart.
Air Buffet. 
Similar to an air bicuit, but more substantial so that it may be returned to.
Arse. 
Something rubbish or pointless. See Bone.
Arse Bandit. 
A homosexual - See uphill gardiner.
Aussie Kiss. 
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
A.W.O.L. 
Absent Without Official Leave (not to be confused with Awol)

B

Badly Packed Kebab. 
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia. See kebab, badly stuffed.
Bag of Bollocks.  
When something is unsatisfactory.
Bone 
Something rubbish or pointless.
Battle Bowler. 
The issue combat helmet.
Badge. 
The. Regimental Sergeant Major.
Bang-Fuck. 
An ND, because when it goes BANG, you say FUCK!
Banjo String. 
The little piece of skin that joins the head of the penis to the shaft. Particularly painfull and bloody if you break it on a "Gomper".
Beer Coat.  
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a drinks in the Mess at 3 in the morning.
Blood feud.  
Vendetta between site users.
Brown Wings. 
Earned once an individual has indulged in botty sex.
Break the seal. 
First p1ss of the evening, usually take three or four pints of wifebeater seal breaks and your on the lavatory every five minutes
Bomb Up. 
To load a rifle magazine.
Basher. 
Temporary shelter, can be used to describe your bedroom.
Blanket Stacker. 
A storeman, this is how they prefer to be described.
Blind lesbian in a fish factory 
to sweat like a. To perspire freely.
Bombay roll. 
Tit wank
Bog wog. 
A person originating in the Emerald Toilet.
Box of Frogs. 
a. A fuck up.
Buckshee. 
Meaning free, gratis, no cost. Alledgedly Arabic in origin. Generally evolving out of the misfortune of another's Diffy.
Bug Out. 
Used when exiting while under enemy fire. Used within barracks on sight of the Badge.
Bum desease. 
The result of too much uphill gardening or time in the Royal Navy.
Bunduk. 
The rifle.
Butt Musk. 
The scent encountered when parting the cheeks of a Gomper during a reverse angle of attack.

C

Cake and Arse Party. 
Used to describe a job/mission that no longer resembles normality i.e its gone pear shaped. Young officers tend to give out open invites to such functions.
Camel`s Toe. 
The visual effect of over tight panties/trousers on the female groin area. Can be pleasing and offensive to the eye.
Crabs. 
Members of the Royal Air Force.
Crab Air. 
The Royal Air Force.
Clamjouster
Dan grade exponent of clam-to-clam combat.
Clowns Pocket. 
A way to describe a womans privates i.e. "I tell you mate, i got lost down there. She had a fanny like a clowns pocket".
CO. 
Commanding Officer.
Colonel. 
As in "you going down the Colonel Gadaffi" (Naafi)
Camp Bike. 
A lady who has been ridden by most of the camp.
Cunnilingus. 
Eating sushi off the barbers shop floor
CROW 
An affectionate term for the newer members of the Armed forces. Meaning Combat Recruit Of War, apparently!
CEASE FIRING 
( A term used when you have done the buisness and need to get the FCUK out of there fast)
CSE Show. 
60 minutes of 40 year old erotic dancers backed by a 70`s Rock and roll band. Usually no music is heard due to 2000 Squaddies shouting "get yer tits oot"

D

Diffy. 
Deficient, attributable to someone else's Buckshee.
Drop Shorts. 
The Royal Artillery. You cant miss them, they're all deaf. pardon?
Donkey Walloper. 
A member of the Cav.
Double Bass. 
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
Dump Fuel. 
To go for a piss.

E

Etch-A-Sketch. 
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

F

Four Tonner. 
Army truck.
Full Screw. 
A Corporal.
Field, in the. 
To be on exercise.
Fish and Chips. 
Fighting in someone's house and causing havoc in people's streets.
FIWAF. 
Fighting in Woods and Forrests / Fighting Indians with a Fish.
Fizog 
( The Head)
Flogging On. 
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
Floppy. 
Opinions differ, but most likely originating from "Fucking Lazy Offerseas Person". Less than effective military machine normally of caribbean or arabic descent. AKA non-swimmer.
FuckShitFuckShitFuckShit. 
The sound made when driving armour through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

G

Gomper. 
Ugly woman, usually found on the arm of a drunken squaddie.
Gat. 
Rifle.
Green Slime. 
The Intelligence Corps. A contradiction in terms.
GTF. 
Get To Fuck. "Go away" or "I don't believe a word you've just said".
Gwa. 
An unfortunate inflicted with red hair, to be avoided, or retrospectively aborted. (stands for Ginger With Attitude).

H

Hand to Gland Combat
A vigorous masturbation session.
Horizontal Time Accelerator. 
Another method of describing the Sleeping Bag.
Hospital Corners
A perfect flange. The opposite of Liver & Bacon or a Badly Stuffed Kebab. (qv)

I

J

Jack. 
To be selfish or unfair to your mates.
Jazz Rag. 
Tactical Aide Memoire used in the recognition of the female form.

K

Kebab, Badly Packed. 
Term to describe the look of a womans private parts.

L

Lanny. 
Landrover.
Lance Jack. 
Lance Corporal.
Lizard. 
Sleeping Bag / Lazy person. Can also refer to a female of questionable morals
Lid.  
Issue helmet. See Battle Bowler.

M

Maggot. 
A Sleeping Bag.
Mag to Grid. 
Meaning get rid, to throw away.
Mark F. 
Way to describe a fat womans dress i.e "Look at the size of her, her dress is a mark F" (One up from a marquee).
Mlaaaaaaaaaaar 
noise uttered by the lickers of windows.
Monkey. 
The Royal Military Police.
Monkey Bath. 
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa! Aa!".
Millennium Domes. 
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fcuk-all in there worth seeing.
Mong. 
Someone who fails to perform.
Morning Glory. 
Wakening with a semi on playing tents with your horizontal time accelerator
Munter. 
Ugly Woman. See Gomper.

N

NIG. 
Term for someone new. Originally thought to come from the term "New In Germany".
Nappa
Head.

O

OMO. 
Brand of washing powder. Box placed in the window of the married quarter to indicate that the husband is
away i.e OMO - "Old Man Out" or "On My Own"
Oxygen Thief. 
Someone who doesnt deserve the air they breath. Usually over weight or useless.
Otters Pocket. 
The oposite of Clowns Pocket.
Ops O. 
Operations Officer.
OBUA. 
Operations in Built up Areas. (Formerly FIBUA).

P

Pear Shaped. 
Meaning its all gone wrong. See Cake and Arse Party.
Picasso Arse. 
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks. Found behind the counter of most Naafi`s.
Porridge Cannon. 
Penis.
Porridge Wog. 
A Scotsman

Q

QA 
owners of the largest arrses in Her Majesty's Army.

R

Ration assassin. 
Uncomplimentary but highly accurate description for an army chef.
Rodney. 
Officer.
Rupert. 
Officer.
Rubber Gun chit. 
Issued to potential maniacs to prevent potential bloodshed.
Rug Muncher. 
Lesbian.
Ron Hills. 
Ridiculous running trousers that make anyone's arse look fat. Usually worn by army wives along with white stilettoes and a Berghaus fleece. Lovely. (Also worn by old school, old sweat SNCO's, usually accompanied by a green norgie top )
Red Wings. 
Awarded after chowing down on a young lady who Has the Painters In

S

Squaddie. 
Affectionate term for the British Soldier.
Scaley Back
Nick Name for members of the The Royal Signals.
Slop Jocky. 
Unaffectionate term for an Army Chef.
Shiny Arse. 
A Clerk. The arse of their trousers are made shiney by spending their life sitting behind a desk.
Shooting Iron. 
See Rifle
Stripy Suntan. 
You get one of these when you're sent to jail.
Scratcher. 
See Sleeping bag
Spuds. 
Testicles.
Sprog. 
Child or someone who hasnt been in the army that long.
Starfish Trooper. 
A homosexual - See uphill gardener
Semen Demon. 
See Starfish Trooper
Speckles. 
Vile and unhygienic sport practised by Royal Marines. Involves one contestant laying a huge, sloppy, Eartha Kitt on a coffee table and all other contestants squatting down with their noses at table level. A pint pot is then smashed down on the Eartha, and the one with the least sh*t on his Fizog wins. Or was it the other way round? I don't know, and I don't want to know. Also see Soggy Biscuit.
Soggy Biscuit. 
Vile and unhygienic sport practised by members of the Royal Marines. Involves contestants forming a circle practising Hand to Gland Combat over a digestive biscuit. Last one to spuff eats the biscuit.
Suicide Watch. 
See CSE Show.

T

Tab. 
Forced march, usually carrying a great deal of equipment on your back.
Tabs. 
Cigarettes.
Tabloid. 
Noun: (tab'loid) A newspaper of small format giving the news in condensed form, usually with illustrated, sensational material.
Adjective: Also a paper containing no news, pictures of naked birds with their mammary glands exposed, generally abusive to hard working squaddies (See The Sun)
Tara, The. 
Regimental Sergeant Major (RSM), used mainly within Scottish Regiments. Origin unknown.
Tart Fuel. 
Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch/WKD, regularly consumed by young women. (see also Bitch Piss)
Titanic. 
A lady who goes down first time out.
Throw Smoke. 
Used to cover your extraction from the workplace, OC or the wife.
Twisties. 
Elasticated ties used to fold up and secure the bottom of your trousers. Also known as Twisters.

U

Ulu. 
The (normally remote) countryside.
Uphill Gardener. 
A homosexual.
UMIN. 
Ugliest Man In NATO

V

Vagina Decliner. 
A homosexual see Uphill gardener.
Vortex, Administration. 
A disorganised person.

W

Wank sock
A handy sock concealed under the bed to mop up mess after a wank. Never washed.
Wank Séance. 
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being watched with disgust by your dead relatives.
WRAC. 
The now defunct Womans Royal Army Corps, or Weekly Ration of Army Cnut. Whichever you prefer. To me it was always something filled with wine and screwed against a wall.
Wizards Sleeve. 
A way of describing a womans privates. The sleeve is more pronounced on a woman who has had a few sprogs.
Wah. 
Verbal response to a bone question asked by a superior. Bone questions asked by juniors are dealt with differently.
Womb broom. 
see lamb cannon, mutton musket, beef repeater, paste gun, one eyed custard chucker, blue veined hooligan, pig skin bus, Bloodstick

X

X-Piles. 
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

Y

Yomp. 
See tab

Z

ZULU Time. 
A 24hr clock all forces can use when planning operations with units outside theatre. ZULU time is Grenwich Mean Time, without daylight saving times.