The British Military Open Encyclopedia - ARRSE-Pedia. Back to British Army Rumour Service Home

Italian

From ARRSEpedia
Revision as of 23:01, 23 June 2019 by JuniorBod (talk | contribs)
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

Inhabitant of Italy.

Renowned for having tanks with inverted gearboxes (1 gear forward, 6 gears back).

Rumours have it the only thing they've ever successfully organised is their crime. Even when given a fresh start with the Euro rather than the Lira, they had the currency broken within six months. The accounting system they use allows for three sets of books:

  • One for you (the most accurate)
  • One for the Government (with a few omissions/modifications)
  • One for the shareholders (a major work of fiction and in line for this years Booker Prize)

Corruption is rife in all levels of government so when the British Government is compared to this clusterfuck ... you know things are bad!

Italy's most successful politician (and wealthiest man) is the thrice elected Silvio Berlusconi. He is so corrupt that the last time he held power (for a unprecedented 5 year spell), he spent the entire time enacting laws that would protect him from prosecution when he had to stand down.

Italian women are unbelievably hot ... right up till they hit 40. Then some strange metamorphosis takes place in 95% and they change into a hideous, overweight, bearded troll. The remaining 5% get curvier and hotter!

Italian men flip between extreme machismo and outright cowardice so profound that during the renaissance the favourite weapon was a dagger for backstabbing (stiletto).

Quite how the Romans managed to conquer most of Europe, chunks of Asia and a good bit of North Africa remains a bit of a puzzle. They have shown little martial prowess since The battle of Lepanto in 1571.