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Lord of the Rings

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Aragorn and elven bint get ready to make half elves

Possible the worst Swords and Sorcery book ever written ... but as it was the first, oddly the best Swords and Sorcery book ever written as well.


Stars a furry footed midget who fall heir to a weapon of mass destruction. An old bloke with a 'weed' dependency turns up mysteriously, tells the midgets they have to leg it and then fecks off.

After making it to elven brothel, a multi national/multi cultural/multi species Special Forces team (including 4 furry footed midgets) is put together to take the WMD and throw it into a hole in the ground. They immediately start bickering with an obvious French representative demanding to be in charge (even if he does look like Sharpe).

Some seriously nails Rorke's Drift moments take place when 50,000 chavs try to storm a defended off licence.

After some pointless wandering about, two of the midgets heave the WMD into a hole although due to having to survive on Compo rations, one member of the team turns cannibal and bites off a midgets finger.

The story ends with some inter species bezzering.