View source for New Labour

[[Category:Dictionary]]
[[Category: UK Government]]
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==Things can only get better... ==
A.K.A. ''[[Neu Arbeit]]''. A phrase used to describe a group of largely apolitical, statist, authoritarians who have used the traditional [[Labour]] party as a vehicle to further their rampaging lust for power. The original leader of the New Labour experience was [[Tony Blair]] but after a bit of a Beer Hall Putsch, [[Gordon Brown]] took over. Due to the arrse falling out of support for Gordy, he desperately tried to distance himself from Bliar's failed policies... introducing a great many failed policies of his own! 

In thriteen years of power they have enacted over four thousand new laws, few of which are actively used... unless you want to fly with a bottle of water in your luggage... or shout 'rubbish' at one of [[Jack Straw]]'s speeches - in which case you get to experience ALL of them.

==... and worse!==

Twenty years ago, if someone had told you that: there would be no Iron Curtain, [[Warsaw Pact|WARPAC]] would be in the [[EU|EEC]] (and winning [[Eurovision Song Contest|Eurovision]]), [[Muslim]] extremists would be blowing themselves up on the [[London]] Underground, the British Army would be fighting in [[Afghanistan]] (again), that a Labour government would be in power for over a decade, that it would introduce [[Identity & Passport Service|ID Cards]], a DNA database, a [[CCTV]] camera on every street corner and permit uncontrolled immigration to the point that English market towns resemble Soweto; that the [[police]] would look like the Federation troopers off ''Blake's 7'', that we would have a multi-layered and largely inept [[War on Crime|law]] enforcement system that is seemingly powerless to enforce the law to the lawless, but uses its myriad powers with great effect to the largely law-abiding - and that the law-abiding are increasingly alienated of consequence....

<deep breath> 

... That we have children who are institutionally uneducated almost by design, that you can be prosecuted for leaving your [[Wheelie Bin|bin]] out on the wrong day - or putting the wrong rubbish in it, that local councils share the same powers as [[MI5]], that any land you own can be 'bought' by the state and handed over to [[gypsies]], so as to meet targets required by laws laid down in another country; that criminals and terrorists will have more rights than you - and that a veritable army of [[lawyers]] will vigorously (and perversely) enforce them at your expense; that the country will be absorbed in to a [[Europe]]an federal superstate with its own [[Single European Currency|currency]] - and done so without the [[democracy|democratic]] consent of the electorate, well... would you have believed them?

Whilst the fall of the [[Berlin Wall]] cannot be attributed to New Labour, virtually 99.9% of the above is directly consequential to the insane policies of this hateful bunch of mental pygmies.

==And so the end is near==

After losing the May 2010 election even though they were stuffing ballot boxes, had fiddles with the postal vote, re-jigged the constituencies to their liking and ensured no [[squaddie]] got his vote counted, New Labour looks to be on its last legs. With Brown resigned and retiring from politics, a new leader and direction is required. Just who and what will it be...

*Hattie Harman: Raving looney feminist and sock puppet for her UNITE husband
*Ed Balls: Obergruppenfurher for the new East Germany
*David Milliband: Sock puppet for the dark lord, Darth Mandelson
*Ed Milliband: whats he ever done? .... anyone?