SBS

Special Boat Service

Formerly the Special Boat Squadron ... Consider them (superbooties).

A lot of military types see the SBS as the poor cousin to the SAS or 'Them', but in fact they are superior soldiers in some astonishing ways. Here is a list of things that make them, well not 'Them' 'cause thats someone else. Anyway here it is:

1. All SBS can hold their breath underwater for three days (selection criteria).
2. All have to have dark green and black camouflage tattoos on their faces.
3. All can speak fluent dolphin 'click click' language.
4. One phase of SBS selection is "The Way of the Molusc" in which they have to fight to the death with an Octopus.
5. All of the staff at sealife centres are ex-SBS.
6. Peter Andre (of Material Girl fame), is ex-Aussie SBSR.
7. Shane Warne - the Aussie cricketer - applied for SBSR, but was turned down for being too fat.
8. The Aussies don't actually have an SBS unit.
9. Lewis Collins of The Professionals fame was RTUd for trying to kiss a koi carp on the mouth during selection. His defence was 'She came onto me.'
10. Most ex-SBS have evolved gills and have donated their lungs to the NHS.
11. The SBS are sometimes referred to as the 'Shaky Boat Squadron'.
12. Prospective candidates for selection are required to be interviewed by the CO whilst wearing a gimp suit. This assesses their suitability for rubber wear...
13. ...They are then required to do a twenty miler in it...
14. ... and then get the beers in!
15. Unlike the SAS, literacy and literary aspirations are not a requirement ... which has resulted in most SBS books having a reading age of 5 OR have to be ghost written.
16. If you dine out in a Portsmouth restaurant and ask if you may 'have the fish', its too late, the SBS will have had it first.