Difference between revisions of "SBS"
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Revision as of 18:13, 20 March 2011
|Special Boat Service|
Formerly the Special Boat Squadron ... Consider them (superbooties).
A lot of military types see the SBS as the poor cousin to the SAS or 'Them', but in fact they are superior soldiers in some astonishing ways. Here is a list of things that make them, well not 'Them' 'cause thats someone else. Anyway here it is:
- All SBS can hold their breath underwater for three days (selection criteria).
- All have to have dark green and black camouflage tattoos on their faces.
- All can speak fluent dolphin 'click click' language.
- One phase of SBS selection is "The Way of the Molusc" in which they have to fight to the death with an Octopus.
- All of the staff at sealife centres are ex-SBS.
- Peter Andre (of Material Girl fame), is ex-Aussie SBSR.
- Shane Warne - the Aussie cricketer - applied for SBSR, but was turned down for being too fat.
- The Aussies don't actually have an SBS unit.
- Lewis Collins of The Professionals fame was RTUd for trying to kiss a koi carp on the mouth during selection. His defence was 'She came onto me.'
- Most ex-SBS have evolved gills and have donated their lungs to the NHS.
- The SBS are sometimes referred to as the 'Shaky Boat Squadron'.
- Prospective candidates for selection are required to be interviewed by the CO whilst wearing a gimp suit. This assesses their suitability for rubber wear...
- ...They are then required to do a twenty miler in it...
- ... and then get the beers in!
- Unlike the SAS, literacy and literary aspirations are not a requirement ... which has resulted in most SBS books having a reading age of 5 OR have to be ghost written.
- If you dine out in a Portsmouth restaurant and ask if you may 'have the fish', its too late, the SBS will have had it first.