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Voice Procedure

'There's been a failure of VP in the CP...'

VP is the mainstay of the British Army, and well, pretty much any civilised (Read: Technologically advanced, i.e not beating war-drums) armed force the world over.

The old saying goes something like:

"You can have your bombs and bullets, you can have your fuel and spares, but if there ain't someone on the radio, no-one will know once you're there."' - Me, just now'

Voice Procedure over the net goes way, way, way back into the mists of time when it was swiftly realised that if people just talked the way a normal human would, things on a busy network ('net') would quickly go to shit. As such, VP was introduced to ensure that everyone worked to a set standard of communication with various key words, identifiers, etc, etc.

Its overall aim was one of brevity and clarity, and it aimed to make people communicate RSVP -

  • Rhythm - Imagine making slow love, rather than violent sexual assault
  • Speed - Paced and constant. See above for making love
  • Volume - Normal volume, nothing ear bleeding, no screeching. See above reference sexual assault.
  • Pitch - When you slip it in the back passage by mistake. No high pitched howling.

among other things.

There are numerous ways to violate VP. These include:

  • Being generally slack as fuck and speaking like you would to your mates
  • Sitting on the pressel and being on permanent send whilst you bitch about the OC, not realising he's hearing every word
  • Waiting until the wee small hours and sending an occasional 'sausages!' over the air. Guaranteed to have Zero frothing at the mouth.
  • Cutting in over people with a dead air send, designed to stop them from talking. Glorious fun.
  • Being a bit of a spaglord in general

Back in the days of clear comms, that is, when the networks were insecure, VP also helped disguise various key bits of information when you couldn't be fucked using BATCO, as you'd refer to specific callsigns as part of your VP which would relate to certain personalities that the enemy shouldn't really know too much about.

Overall, it's good stuff and if you can command your VP, you can command the world!