The British Military Open Encyclopedia - ARRSE-Pedia. Back to British Army Rumour Service Home

Africa

From ARRSEpedia
Jump to: navigation, search

Africa is a continent, and it is quite large, so people are hard pressed to miss it. Many governments, however, seem to totally miss Africa. You can find it to the East of South America, South of Europe, West of the Middle East, and North of the South Pole. It is rather populated, and most of the countries within it are considered Third World, meaning that they are poor with very basic governments and problems, such as sanitation, food, water, health care etc. Ever wondered why?

The reason the vast bulk of Africa is an ungovernable shit hole is because the indigenous population wanted rid of the only thing that kept them fed and watered... us. So, in a pique of imperial guilt, we gradually let them have it back in the misguided belief that they could successfully run their own affairs and feed and water themselves. Wrong!

Since the colonial powers' (Great Britain, Belgium, Portugal and France) withdrawal from their respective African colonies and protectorates in the 1950s, '60s and '70s, the various independent countries have reverted to type. With only one or two exceptions, the whole shooting match quickly descended in to chaos, with the old tribal lines being redrawn over those laid out by the unthinking white colonists. Of consequence, vast tracts of sub-Saharan Africa have been catapulted back to the neolithic era - right down to cannibalism, mud huts and sharp, pointy sticks. Marvellous, eh?

Still, it's all our fault, and we piss more money away on Overseas Aid now than it cost us to maintain the colonies in the first place. This is called Post-Imperial Guilt, and our greatest exponent of hand-wringing in this area is none other than our very own Dear Leader. What a fucking embarrassment, and more importantly, what a cnut!