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Alaska

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Bear shits in Alaska, War declared on Russia

Alaska - Where's that?

Alaska is to be found in the top left hand corner of the North American Continent (to the left of Canada physically and to the right of Adolf Hitler politically).

It is the largest and emptiest state in the USA. You may think Texas is large and empty but it's a proper Saturday night in Blackpool compared to Alaska.

So when did the US invade it?

Amazingly the USA BOUGHT Alaska from the Ruskies in 1867 for $7.2million (or 2 cents an acre). Oh how the Russians were pissing themselves laughing at how they had slipped one up the Yanks... until:

  1. Oil was discovered under Alaska, and...
  2. they realized that they could have sited nukes there had they not been so greedy.

So what's it like?

The summers can get as hot as the 90s°F (low to mid 30s °C), and in winter it can get as cold as −60°F (-52°C). Alaska has very few mongs simply because those that lick windows are stuck there until the spring. This however does not preclude producing a population that's as rednecked as an albino having 60 minutes face down on a sunbed set to HIGH! Being so close to the evil communist hordes in China and Sibera has produced a citizen that's all for 'Nuke First' and if anyone asks questions... Nuke them as well.

Alaska has a population of 700,000 ish with half of them huddled together for warmth in Anchorage. There are also 150,000 bears in Alaska giving the residents an excuse to own more guns and heavy weapons than the entire 3rd Shock Army.

Until recently the governor was the very 'do-able' but totally insane Sarah Palin.

Tourism

The state gets an influx of people racing to Alaska's coastline every year to club (on average) 200,000 seals... in a month. So if an Alaskan asks you if you want to go clubbing it's best to inquire what they mean, otherwise you could find yourself on an ice flow in your best party clothes covered in blood. And who said Canadians weren't friendly?