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Alcohol

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Liquid which has been brewed, fermented or distilled so it has a nasty substance in it that causes you to say stupid things, behave in a silly manner and wake up the following day feeling like shoite (when drunk in vast quantities).

Alternatively...

Magically makes you smarter, wittier, tougher and more sexually attractive (to the opposite sex, same sex and farmyard animals). Also makes ugly women better looking (beer goggles) and gets you home without you needing to organize transportation (beer scooter) or indeed a coat (Beer Coat).

Examples include Beer, Cider and Whisky.

Also see Grog.