Alec Webster: ex-soldier, prison officer and bodyguard. Alec first appeared on the ARRSE radar in 2010, but it wasn’t until August of that year when the wheels started to come off things. ARRSEer ‘choff’ had pinged Webster some months previously whilst trawling Facebook for walts – a most noble and pleasurable pastime. ‘choff’ started asking questions regarding Webster’s bizarre and unlikely service history and found himself quickly blocked and banned for obviously touching upon a raw nerve or two - but not before he’d copied some rather telling images from Webster’s Facebook page. And pearlers they were too.
ARRSEr ‘woodandy3’ (a Guardsman) recognised Webster as a former Scots Guards drummer and understood he’d been medically discharged due to a road accident in Northern Ireland – which turned out to be the case. But let’s get back to those pictures.
Nice Day for a Shite Wedding
Now, if you’re stupid enough to get married, then one might as well get togged up properly for the big day. A nice morning suit perchance? Blues even? Even the Ginger Marching Suit is acceptable. Mess Dress, however, is an odd choice – even more so when you’ve clearly thrown the whole thing together without doing any homework. Alec’s wedding photos were fucking howlers. Not only did the wedding party look like a bunch of pikeys, Webster’s choice of attire stole the show to the extent that it caused much head scratching amongst the uniform experts of ARRSE. British Army Dress Regulations are a bewildering morass of contradictions at the best of times, but it was clear someone hadn’t done their research.
Webster’s rig was a curious mixture of Life Guards Mess Dress and highland fantasy – the likes of which had not been seen since the glory days of the great Baron himself. Webster sported a jacket (badged up as a Corporal of Horse) and a cheap polyester kilt of Royal Stuart tartan. It should be pointed out that only Highland regiments wear kilts in Mess Dress, and the Life Guards are Household Division - and tend to look ‘the’ bollocks rather than ‘a pile of’. Oh, and Alec opted for the usual chest-full of medals. What was he thinking? His whole ensemble looked like an explosion in a gift shop – topped off with a haircut of the type normally encountered on housing estates, and even then usually concealed beneath baseball caps.
The Wheelnuts Loosen
As amusing as the photos were, it was not Alec’s appearance that was causing much grinding of teeth, rather his connection with an organisation supposedly providing help to PTSD sufferers and obviously being a bullshitter. Whilst his organisation (PTSD Worldwide) wasn’t a charity per se - rather a non-profit organisation - charitable status had apparently been applied for, and charities mean money, and money and bullshitters don’t really go together. It doesn’t look good in the papers and undermines the good work done by genuine people.
Publicising any forces-related money raising activities will always spark interest in those who have served, and even more so when things don't add up. There were simply too many inconsistencies in Alec’s bio, so the Waltenkommando mobilised and the Gongpolizei scrambled their helicopter. So just what was going on and who was he really?
Alec (or Alex when it suits him) Webster started off with ‘some’ truth. Here, in his own words [Grammatical errors have been left in for comedy value.]:
'I spent 8 years in the British Regular army. After an accident in Belfast where I was in a Snatch Land rover which overturned putting me into hospital for 18 months, almost losing my left leg, trigger finger and injuring my back to which operations are still ongoing. I returned to the regiment where they offered me a desk job. As I didn't join to do this I left the regular army. I then joined TA 94 Signal Regiment and re-badged blues and royals gaining the rank (Lance Corporal of Horse.) I then left the forces and joined the prison service accumulating the Jubilee Medal, being offered no help towards my problems with my leg, back or Mental Problems.'
All thoroughly believable to a point, the point being when Alec leaves a fighting infantry unit to avoid doing a desk job only to join a bunch of TA scaleys? One would assume that Alec actually meant 94 (Berkshire Yeomanry) Signal Squadron (V) rather than 94 Regiment who were a regular Royal Artillery Locating outfit. As for ‘re-badging’ to the Blues & Royals? The Blues & Royals are a regular cavalry set up and one would have to re-enlist into the Regular Army, and having already left the regulars due to medical problems makes absolutely no sense whatsoever – especially in a cavalry regiment who do mounted duties in the smoke. Trotting along on Neddy with a fucked back isn’t going to improve one’s posture one iota.
As for HM Prison Service? Whilst they’re keen to recruit from most quarters of society, they’re not known for employing mental biffs, as it plays havoc with Health and Safety regs and the inevitable insurance fallout when it all goes pear-shaped. [I know this because I too am a mental biff and HMPS laughed at my application.] Alec was truthful in one aspect though. HMPS did absolutely nothing to assist him. Had they actually employed him then they might have done so.
The ARRSE tentacles range far and wide and even curl under the doors and bars of Her Majesty’s corrective institutions. Nobody had heard of Alec, but that’s not really a surprise is it?
Twisted Brain Wrongs
As for Alec’s ‘mental problems’? One of PTSD Worldwide’s tactics in highlighting their cause is turning up at open-air events in a cammed up Lanny and tooling around like a bunch of airsofters with plastic SA80s clad from head to toe in desert DPM and chest rigs. Exactly what you’d expect from ex-squaddies traumatised by the experiences of battle.
Now, one of my grandfathers (a real Highlander of the Gordon variety) came back from France as a virtual basket case thanks to repeated efforts by several million boxheads to kill him. The boxheads were (thankfully) unsuccessful, but his mind was totally fucked and the poor bugger shat bricks at any noise louder than ice cream melting. What he didn’t do was turn up at village fetes in khaki, brandishing a balsa wood .303 and swinging a bucket whilst spinning shit dits to gullible but well-meaning individuals naive enough to be sucked into the mire, and Alec and his cronies (who are also very suspect) were doing exactly this: fund raising.
Read All A’baht It
Despite Webster’s claims holding little if any water, he went down the publicity route and the resultant media coverage only added to the inevitable. Any self-respecting walt-watcher knows that we’ve been here before and it can only end one way: in tears. The news articles started to change over time:
13 October 2008
30 January 2009
Alec Webster, 35, is married with three children and has suffered acute anxiety and panic attacks since leaving the Army in 2000. ‘I served in the Scots Guards for 10 years between 1990 and 2000. I'm from Dundee, and my family all served in the Army, so it was the natural career for me. In 1991, I was sent to Iraq for the first Gulf War. I then did three tours of Northern Ireland, and went to Afghanistan with the TA. One of the worst personal experiences I had was a Land Rover crash in Northern Ireland which landed me in hospital for months.’ 
22 August 2009
As the Land Rover navigated the Helmand desert in the afternoon sun, Webster chatted with his comrades, some the Dundonian had known for much of his 10 years in the Scots Guards. Soon he was to be alone. A rocket propelled grenade launched by the Taliban pounded their vehicle, blowing it off the ground. Almost immediately, the solider was surrounded by the corpses of his three friends. 
8 September 2009
In 2002, when he was serving in Helmand, he was travelling in a vehicle which was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade launched by the Taliban. Three of his friends died in the incident, and Alex said he went on to have nightmares, panic attacks and emotional outbursts - all symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He told BBC Radio 5 Live's Victoria Derbyshire show. 
1 November 2009
It was during his time in Afghanistan that he lost three of his friends and he started suffering the symptoms of PTSD. 
4 May 2010
Mr Webster, who spent 18 months in hospital after an explosion in Northern Ireland, said: ‘I had everything, from me being scared to leave the house, having manic depression, having to take so many pills a day just to get yourself out of bed in the morning.’ 
1 August 2010
Unable to work, Lance Sergeant Alex Webster served in the Scots Guards for 10 years between 1990 and 2000. He was sent to Iraq for the first Gulf War and completed three tours of Northern Ireland, where he was hospitalized for 18 months by a crash. In 2002, however, he joined the Territorial Army and was deployed to Afghanistan where his vehicle was hit by a rocket grenade. He has ongoing surgery on his back, flashbacks, anxiety and temper problems. He has now set up a project to help similarly affected servicemen and women. 
25 October 2009
Even ITN got in on the act. 
Even on his own web site Alec started to believe his own hype and changed his mind about his worst personal experience, from a car crash in Northern Ireland to an RPG attack in Afghanistan. Which one was it Alec? If you’re going to go on record, then one thing that is vital is consistency.
Shurley Shome Mishtake?
At first glance his claims of serving in the first Gulf War would have passed muster with even the most highly-trained Waltenkommando, with not a flicker of interest on the waltometer. It was just those ever-changing story lines. Things were not fitting together. The First Gulf War took place between 2 August 1990 and 28 February 1991. But our man was born in April 1975 and that would make him all of 15 years old at the time. Was Alec the only army cadet to have served in the conflict? I’m sure Vincent Stott of the 1st Battalion, Royal Scots (who was 17 at the time) would have something to say about that.
By now, the Waltenkommando's SOPs had kicked in big style and they went into overdrive in a race against time. Questions were asked, dates researched, pictures and website snap shots captured, before the inevitable back-peddling started. Alec Webster of PTSD Worldwide had never served in the first Gulf War. He tried his hardest to convince those in the know that he was there, but then having his picture taken wearing medals (most of which he was not entitled to) was a big mistake on his part. He forgot the main rule from Walting With Confidence. When buying medals on Ebay or at boot fairs you need to check the bloody dates and get your story right.
Soon it was roll back time for our hero. His website bio changed, pictures and stories of daring do disappeared faster than a well-lubricated fast thing and he then went into hide mode, using his friends to fend off the questions – with them mostly saying they had seen proof and at the same time ignoring the glaringly obvious to anyone with half a brain. He was only 15 when the bloody Gulf War was on. Nick Knowles  and Maggie Philbin got the right hump when they found out Team Webster had their boat races on the supporters’ page. They had never even heard of Webster. What a surprise!
Scooby Doo! Where are You?
Sometimes, you really cannot make this shit up. In a bizarre twist, the Waltenkommando uneartherd the fact that Webster and his fragrant (supposedly) ex-RLC missus [That’s supposedly ex-RLC, not supposedly fragrant.] were ardent ghost hunters - an odd pastime for someone suffering from panic attacks and being on 90 odd pills a day. [I see dead people! That’ll be the 3 boxes of Brufen a day then?]
In his Geistkommando site’s bio (before it was taken down) Alec states he '... joined the Army and after 10 years service was badly injured in Belfast putting him in hospital for 18 months with a damaged leg and back. It was during this stay in hospital that Alec developed his interest in the Spiritualist World, starting with a "Love and Light" outlook which has developed into a more balanced approach with his inclusion of the Dark spirits too. This takes the form of clarvoyancy [sic].' Clairvoyancy? He never saw this fucker coming fo’ shizzle! Where's Clinton Baptiste when you need him?
Lights Go Out, Walls Come Tumblin’ Down
The walls of Castle Webster soon started to come crashing down in a self-inflicted orgy of denial and blame. ‘Not me guv! The press made it up.’ or ‘It was Sarah Donohue that did it!’ 
Other charities started to become aware of Alec’s porkies on PTSD Worldwide and took down their support on their own websites. Even his own paranormal pals started to feel that the force was not with them on this one.
This went on and on and on until finally he threw in the towel and put Ryan Byrne in charge. Ryan is (supposedly) a former soldier with the King's Own Royal Border Regiment and also suffers from PTSD… apparently. He also has a penchant for dressing in DPM and turning up at gigs with a plastic SA80 – along with someone else whose ex-SAS claims are totally and utterly bogus. Whatever the case, one thing has proven to be consistent and that is walts tend to stick together in order to validate each others’ stories. They also have a tendency to keep on coming back in different guises. Oh, and when it comes to checking bona fides, it’s a pity Alec never checked the credentials of his fucking barber!
Alec Webster served for three years in the 1st Battalion, Scots Guards. He served in Northern Ireland for which he earned the General Service Medal before he was medically discharged following a vehicle accident in the province. He was also an ACF instructor for a short while. That’s it. The rest is bollocks. He’s never been a prison officer either. He’s also not known on the BG circuit and doesn’t even appear on the SIA license roll – a legal necessity to operate in the security world. All he’s managed to do is totally discredit himself and make himself look ridiculous. Yet again we see someone with creditable and genuine service taking a small packet of custard and egging the fuck out of it. It’s happened before and it will keep on happening.
Waltdom is a funny ol’ place – a parallel universe where rational thought buys a one-way ticket to Beachy Head and throws itself off a cliff. ARRSE doesn’t take pride in turning on its own kind but some things are sacrosanct and sometimes it’s necessary to ram a pace stick up someone’s cleft and march them to the Guardroom for their own good. Alec – being a former soldier – should have known better (as should his missus). March ‘im out Sarn’t Major!
Or is it? Respected ARRSE Walt Finder ‘THESUNJOCK’ received an email threatening arrest under the Official Secrets Act from someone or other possibly in the Webster camp. Most entertaining it is too. [‘’As is now usual the grammatical errors have been retained.’’]
Under the data protection act 1955 Alec Webster is entitled to have that disgusting page taken down now we will be in contact with the MET police and have you done under the offical secrets act you might be intersted to know my husband has worked for the MOD and still has strong connections and he has already checked and Alec has been investigated last year due to a fake soldier and everything was fine the MOD have found no problems with him get you facts right and take it down now
Facts? There’s irony in there… somewhere. [I tell you what love, go and do the ironing or put the kettle on, there's a good girl.]
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