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Australians

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An Australian chappie

Inhabitants of the Commonwealth of Australia. Descendants of the chavs and hoodies evicted from these fair shores a couple of hundred years ago with a Cockney derived accent.

Easily spotted - especially around Earl's Court in London - because they're usually bladdered, clutching a slab of Fosters, and/or wearing a hat with corks dangling from the brim. Don't mention Gallipoli... or Neighbours.

All Australians have one of three talents: bar work, sheep shearing or being able to cook over an open charcoal fire without producing burnt and carbonized food - or setting fire to themselves. All the blokes are called 'Bruce' and all the bints are called Sheila probably due to a lack of imagination.

A nation that exists to annoy the whynging Poms with their sporting achievements ... right up to the 2008 Olympics when the Uk spanked their collective arrse on the medals table. Queue much soul searching and angst amongst the diggers.

Also, if you happen to have an accent of the Southern-type, some of the more "challenged" Geordies up north will think that you are one of the Australian people, and thus believe that you are adept with cooking Shrimp, and throwing your thumb up an Alligator's arrse whilst wrestling it. True Story.