|Wandsworth here we come!|
Once upon a time, everyone knew their place. East was East, West was West and everyone knew who the bad guys were: us.
To underline this, a humongous concrete barrier appeared virtually overnight in August 1961 separating allied-controlled West Berlin from the Soviet-controlled German Democratic Republic (East Germany), including East Berlin. The wall was more to keep the opposition in rather than us out. No dramas there really, as shopping and nightlife in East Berlin was shyte anyway - little having changed since Crab Air mullah'd the gaff during Round 2. The wall kept East from fraternising with the decadent imperialist West for more than twenty-five years.
On 9th November 1989 - after several weeks of civil unrest - the East German government announced that all GDR citizens could visit West Germany and West Berlin. Red rag to a bull, crowds of East Germans climbed onto the wall and crossed the border, joined by West Germans on the other side, little realising what was coming next.
What came next was the unification of Germany and the subsequent collapse of the Soviet Union. This in turn saw millions of Europikeys migrating to Folkstone and Russia eventually winning the Eurovision Song Contest! Half of our former WARPAC adversaries joined NATO and eight thousand tons of painted concrete ended up on Ebay. Everyone uses the same money (apart from us... for now), you can fly to Latvia for a tenner, Polish is the second language of Exeter, we're fighting in Afghanistan instead of the Russians and the Russians will be turning our electricity & gas off next Tuesday. Now who'd have thought all of that?