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Bezzer

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Bezzering (v) - to bezzer. A short-lived feeling of well being induced by over-consumption of alcohol, which leads to acts of unwanted, same-sex, physical affection causing huge embarrassment to all but the bezzerer.

Bezzering Today

Standard bezzing lines are uttered whilst holding the bezzeree in an affectionate full Nelson and follow a familiar path:

  • "You're me fcuking bezzer, you!"
  • "If I won the lottery, I'd give you half."
  • "I wish you were me brother."

When not employing the full Nelson, the bezzerer delivers his lines whilst pointing a crooked index finger, somewhere to the right of his intended target.

Bezzering ends when the comments move from affectionate to abusive, which can sometimes occur within the space of a sentence, e.g.

  • "I fcuking love you, mate. You're a champ, but if you ever tell my wife that her hair's nice again, I'll stab you, I will."

Bezzering in History

Quotes proving the long heritage of bezzering can be found in several volumes of British and World history:

  • "Et Tu Bezzer? Then die Caesar!" (Gaius Julius Caesar)
  • "Forsooth my liege, for I would gladly take a blade for you!" (Henry V Act 3)
  • "None of these wenches art a patch on you my mucker, thou art my mate thou art." (Henry VIII to the Archbishop of Canterbury upon his divorce)
  • "Kiss me Hardy... because I love you like we were family. Sod Lady Hamilton! You and me to the death mate!" (Viscount Horatio Nelson to Captain Hardy)
  • "Never in the field of human conflict... have I ever had a mate like you mate." (Winston Churchill)
  • "We few. We happy few. We band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. Be here ne'r so vile this day shall gentle his condition and me and him will take you all on - you gang of bastards." (Henry V)
  • "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio. A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times. My bezzer 'til he tried to snog my sister, the bastard!" (Hamlet)

A classic 'bezzering' scene is to be found in the hyper-realistic British Army film Dog Soldiers when the hero is sticking the sergeant's intestines back in place with superglue after he has been partially disembowelled by a Werewolf. It also involves dropping your elbow off the chair/table whilst quoting "You're me best mate you are". Right before you smack them. Slug.

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