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British Passport

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The current worthless piece of shit




A Brief History

Time was when the British Passport was a World-respected credential, and possession of such a document guaranteed the holder that he would not be fucked with. To do so would incur the ire of Her Majesty's Government and there was every possibility that a Royal Navy Dreadnought might redress the balance with whoever was impertinent enough to hinder the passage of the erstwhile traveller.

How very dare you!
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The good ol' days: A Dreadnought about to give some pushy foreigner a reminder of who's boss.

Originally a single piece of paper that latterly carried the holder's photograph (and valid for just two years), the more familiar passport was introduced in 1920. This was the pattern that became known as the 'Old Blue'.

It was a classy piece of documentation. Dark blue with the Royal arms and details emblazoned on the cover in gold, it was of a size sufficient enough to enable the holder to slap impudent foreigners about the head whilst striding purposefully through immigration controls with the utter contempt that they are due.

Slight design and changes to the wording occurred over the years and the validity was extended to ten years in 1968. But the biggest change happened in 1988 when the colour was changed to burgundy. If this smacks of foreign interference then it is because that is precisely what happened. Not content with altering the colour, the perfidious continental heathens dictated that the words European Community be added to the cover. This was changed in 1997 to European Union - coincidentally the same year the Celestial Navigator came to power and it's been all downhill since.

Getting a Passport

This depends on two things:

  • British Subject
  • Johnny Foreigner

British Subject

For the individual who was born in the UK, getting hold of a passport is no simple matter. The applicant has to fill in reams of paperwork that demand a detailed family tree going back to the Middle Ages. This is vitally important, as the applicant may well be an impostor who is attempting to gain the document by fraudulent means. It is thus essential that the applicant provide as much information as possible before sending the paperwork off to be lost and attempting the whole process again several weeks later. Oh... and that'll be £72.00 thank you.

Johnny Foreigner

Turn up. Ask for passport. Get passport. Go away.

What's Next?

If that doesn't make a mockery of the 'system' [There is one?], then the recent government announcement to 'give away' a quarter of a million passports to the detritus of humanity certainly does. Consequently, 75% of Slough will actually become 'UK Citizens' - the current terminology used to describe what used to be British Subjects. It is thus far easier to obtain a British passport by NOT being British. The UK's stance on passports is lamentable and is by far the worst in the World.

External Links

Read this and weep: Ho ho ho!

And this: Har har har!

IPS

libraryimage.jpg Find out more in the Dictionary