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Bullshit Screen

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Technique used to confound, bemuse and avoid being dicked for extras. Whatever you do, when asked what you're up to NEVER admit to doing 'nothing'. The bullshit screen can be deployed in a number of ways but is typically either vocal or visible:

Vocal

  • 'I'm just on my way to'
  • 'I'm just on my way back from'
  • 'Health and Safety says...'
  • 'Sergeant X allready told me to...' (Preferably Sergeant X isn't there right now)

Feel free to add.

Visible

  • The ideal way to appear busy is to carry a clipboard and walk fast from point A to B and back again. Vary distance to suit scenario.
  • Another technique is moving a pile of dust from one side of the hangar to the other. Repeat until knock off.
  • Self-appoint jobs. Find a reasonably mundane task that isn't too taxing - but one that's remotely realistic - and clearly could do with sorting and crack on. It's surprising how long this can be drawn out. Entire careers have been forged this way.
  • Do not be there. Find something to do somewhere else. Commandeer a vehicle or find an excuses to travel to somewehere out of reach of the SNCO's. You'll be amazed at how succesful this ploy can be.
  • The old Soviet unemployment scheme. This basically means sharing the above screens with your mates and vice versa. Any meaningless task can be done by two people. If you have a job, real or imagined, do it with someone else. Sharing a real job with someone as a screen has the added advantage that is stands up to some scrutiny.

Feel free to add.

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