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Calais

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Europe's plug hole. Like in most barrack blocks, someone has deliberately removed the plug thereby making it impossible to contain anything. Of consequence, all the dregs drain out of Europe either down the Channel Tunnel or on to ferries - and (ultimately) end up in either Dover or Folkstone.

Shit does go the other way though in the shape of chavs on their way to the French Hypermarkets to stock up on cheap fags and booze. Unfortunately, they have a propensity to come back again. Ho hum.

We also used to own the place for a bit. After the Battle of Crecy in 1347, during which we gave the French a proper shoeing, it and the Pale of Calais were given to England in perpetuity (much like how we gained Hong Kong only with slightly less hard drugs involved). An incredible money-spinner however due to defence cutbacks, what a surprise, we lost it back to the French after roughly 200 years rule.