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Captain Fabulous

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Captain_Fabulous was born Marion Clitman and spent the first 19 years of his life locked in the cellar so that the neighbours couldn't see him. On his release he was promptly lied to by some wanker with a tache in an Armed Forces Careers Office and spent his final years doing all of the shit jobs in battalion because he naively thought that skiving off like a normal bod would "damage his career"!?! During this time the 22 stone fitness fanatic pioneered the "Dingleberry squat workout" along with "Clagnut press for beginners". Both exercises were not adopted by the Army Physical Training Corps as neither movements require you to stand in front of a mirror. In 2005 he fell in the ablutions in Victoria Barracks in Windsor after slipping on some spunk and landed awkwardly, rupturing his "murphy's bridge" causing a fatal diarrhea blowback. His body wasn't found until 8 weeks later as nobody normally swabs. Captain_Fabulous communicates from the other side via the medium of internet forums like a ghostly gobshite giving it to Derek Acora on "Most Haunted".

Captain_Fabulous is neither a Captain, nor is he particularly Fabulous. Instead he was awarded his rank from the Colonel Sanders school of self-appointed commissions. He's not a superhero either.