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Cardiff ARRSE Crawl

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On the 17th of December a small group of Arrsers braved the trip accross the border to Wales and descended on Cardiff. 3 hours before the crawl started the group consisting of Babyblue, Liz the nurse, Papa Lazaroo and Trolly Dolly arrived at the hotel and were quickly joined by Atko and TheBull140. As the crawl was not yet due to start yet and the hotel had it's own bar the situation seemed to lead to having a few quiet pre crawl drinks. After a quick couple of drinks and a bite to eat it was deemed time to resuscitate Papa Lazaroo who was still suffering the shock of a round for 5 people coming to 23 pound. As the decision was made to leave the girls (and strangely Atko) decided to use the time to get changed and do their hair. TheBull140 and Papa Lazaroo used the time wisely to sit in the bar and watch a bit of rugby. It was only after that it was pointed out to them that if they had gone to Liz the nurses and Babyblues room they could have sat at the window and seen the game live.


As the time approached the group made their way to the Goat Major which was the meeting point suggested by the crawl organiser Recce-Cpl. As they entered the bar, the room mysteriously went quiet and stares followed the outsiders as they made their way to the bar. Slowly as time ticked by and the stares continued the decision was made that they had been rubber dicked by Recce-Cpl who was clearly not going to show up and the group made their way to the safe territory of O'Neils. Once in O'Neils The ale started to flow and the crawl started properly. Rather quickly the mobile started to ring and the numbers were upped by one. after several phone calls and text messages explaining that we were in the O'Neils between the Prince of Wales and Edwards Smoojalooge was finally located in the pub next door.


As time passed smoojalooge felt a tap on his kneecaps. Looking down he initially thought the circus was in town until a small voice asked "are you lot on the ARRSE crawl". The Individual introduced himself as Taffstar and was quickly offered a stool to stand on so he could introduce himself to the rest of the group. He explained how his train was late so he missed us in the Goat Major, decided to try O'Neils and recognised Liz the nurse from being in every other photo taken on every other crawl ever. After a rather amusing game of steal smoojes lolly and pass it around between everyone without using your hands it was decided that we all knew each other enough now and we should move to Walkabouts to get the proper titting about started.


Once in Walkabouts various events blurred together in a drunken haze consisting of Papa Lazaroo putting Atko on his shoulders to fetch a balloon off the ceiling for Trolly Dolly and Babyblue collecting everyones jackets to take upstairs to the cloak room only to be told it wasn't open. The look of shock on the bouncers face as he received a torrent of abuse from what appeared to be a talking pile of coats was definatly amusing. As the evening continued Smoojalooge and TheBull140 decided to use the baubles on sticks that Babyblue had stole from her works Xmas do the day before as improvised swords and give the crawl an active demonstration of the Royal Signals drunken fencing team. After losing about half his pint down his shirt TheBull140 realised that it would probably be better to give his pint to somebody else to hold while he did this. Quickly they started to realise they had overstayed their welcome here and decided to see if we could abuse Smoojalooges local knowledge to blag our way to the front of a queue for something.


As the crawl approached Edwards, Smoojalooge announced that he had spoken to the bouncer and we could go straight in. As we entered we thanked the bouncer and pointed out to smoojalooge that he had white liquid dribbling out of the corner of his mouth. As Thebull140 was dispatched to the bar the arrse maidens on the crawl used their talents to clear us a table in record time. Infact they did this so well that the previous occupants left half a jug of Blue Lagoon at the table as well. As TheBull140 was at the bar and obvioulsy had his I dont want to be served hat on the girls decided to drink this starnge blue drink on the table. Unfortunatly no glasses could be found but Liz the nurse offered her shoe to be used as a drinking vessel. The strange sensations that were later felt by some indiviuals could either be put down to the fact that they drank a strange drink abandonded by people they had pissed off or it might have something to do with the ill affects of the polish on Liz's shoes. Unfortunatly Atko missed the fun and games on the sofa as he had sited a dozen Bunny Girls and decided that they quiet defiantly needed him in their lives. He didnt have much luck but he did come back with what appeared to be a Train Drivers hat????????


It was now that Recce-Cpls second blag was un earthed. He had promised the crawl free entry to a nightclub called kiwis, but however upon entry to the venue it was made clear that anyone with a MOD 90 could get free entry. Friends in high places recce or just a good attempt at a blag? Well even with his absence and the local knowledge seriously being made up of the fact that whatever alleyway you turn down in cardiff there's at least 2 pubs and a club the night ended and during the next days post crawl fall out breakfast/lunch it was decided that the cardiff crawl was a fine success and it was also noticed that Trolly Dolly throws a mean Yorkshire pud!!!