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Dutch

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Moustacioed, tall people who come from The Netherlands - also known as Holland, although in reality that's just two provinces: North Holland (with Amsterdam and Schiphol in it) and South Holland (with Rotterdam and the Hague in it). I does get confusing, especially when you're organising a piss up and you're informed that a Netherlands contingent, a party from Holland and a bunch of Dutch will be turning up with their cloggie mates.

Squeezed between France and Germany - and not having much land - they decided that they wanted more space. Not wanting to provoke the Krauts with anything warry - and too compassionate to give the Frogs another doing, the Dutch decided to drain an inland sea (Zuider Zee). They need to be watched because if left to it, they may well try to drain the whole North Sea and claim the lot in a form of Dutch lebensraum.

Known as 'cloggies' due to their love of wearing wooden shoes ("klompen"), they can be found smoking joints in cafes, and enjoying admittedly better beer than the UK. Their capital, Amsterdam, sports the biggest Red Light District in the Northern Hemisphere and is only beaten by Bangkok worldwide.

In reality though, the Dutch are not in general what their stereotype holds them up to be, and are usually thoroughly good chaps & lasses (who can be quite butch). Some of the women can be extremely hot (and exotic) although a large number all seem to look alike. Perhaps the same cute babe was running around where-ever I went just for a laff!

The language they speak is also spoken in Flanders (part of Belgium), where it is known rather ironically as Flemish, due to the amount of spray that comes at you when they talk - its worse than being in a monsoon season. The Belgians speak it very softly though, the hard "g" sound tending to a very exhaley "h" in extreme cases. The Boers in South Africa are also quite adept at an earlier (18th century) version of Dutch which they (The Boeren that is) call Afrikaans.

The Dutch also have a penchant for ironic surnames and placenames:

Van der Berg - from the mountain

Uit ten broek - out of the trousers

Leeghwater - empty water

Zoetermeer - sweeter lake (alledgedly it stinks)

They used to take the war to the taliban in Oruzgan. Because of this you could see quite a lot of them milling around KAF and the Northern bit of Helmand. Now keeping busy in Kunduz, though no longer as the leading nation there. We're now under the wings of the local Blockhead detachment. God help us!