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Frankie Vaughan

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The man himself 1928-1999

High-kicking cabaret god and musician who will forever be associated with an altogether different kind of jazz - that of the mag variety, due to his unfortunate choice of stage name also being Cockney rhyming bollocks for porn.

Frankie served briefly in the RAMC but was too young to see active service in WW2. He was an accomplished boxer but turned his ear to music, and it is in this profession that he attained almost deity-like status.

It is little known that Frankie was awarded the OBE in 1965 he was appointed Deputy Lord Lieutenant of Buckinghamshire in 1993 and promoted to CBE three years later. Frankie finally cashed his chips in in 1999. St. Francis of Vaughan is the patron saint of Stockport.

The unfortunate incident of the Little Old Lady

Once upon a time at RAF Cosford, there used to be a little old lady who worked in one of the trade course admin offices. She'd been there years and was part of the inventory. She'd seen young lads come in to the trade and watched them progress up the promotion ladder and everyone within the trade knew her.

One day, she overheard a couple of the blokes discussing some Frankie Vaughan CDs. Her little eyes lit up, bless her: 'Oooh, I just love a bit of Frankie Vaughan' she exclaimed. 'Do you now?' replied one of the conspirators. 'Tell you what sweetheart, I'll pop one in for you tomorrow... how's that?' Well, she was beside herself. 'Oh, would you? 'That's wonderful!'

The day duly dawned and a CD of Frankie was left in her In-Tray. That night, she (probably) put on her slippers, poured herself a large cocoa and settled in front of the TV for an evening of top-quality cabaret courtesy of the Master crooning himself senseless with hits such as Give me the Moonlight and Come Softly to Me.

Unfortunately, what she got instead was Scat Dwarfs II and the screen was filled with one of the little folk in a gimp suit pissing on some moaning Dutch bird with a plastic cock up her hoop. So much for a night at the Palladium.

She was far from chuffed and the next day stern words were had. It was all put down to a misunderstanding and apologies were made, but how everyone laughed... and laughed etc.