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IRONMAN

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A fine example of a dullard and a walt. A classic 'Internet Savant' who poses as an expert on a range of issues without having any real, practical knowledge of any of them. By hiding behind a pseudonym - being, in effect, anonymous - he has probably managed to avoid being called on his bullshit for much of his internet 'career'. What marks this jerk as unique is his stubborn refusal to admit errors, even when faced with overwhelming evidence that he is wrong.

Claims to have been the Quake 2 CTF World Champion for 3 years running, although he is completely incapable of providing any evidence of this - this makes him not only a walt, but a computer game walt.

He was one of the original posters on the forum of ww2incolor[1]. Some more gems have also been found on www.gamingforums.com. He is reknowned for his encyclopaedic knowledge of the following things, despite having little or no knowledge or experience of any of them:


  • 14th Century Scottish History
  • Animal husbandry and welfare
  • Ballistics
  • Beer and brewing
  • Electrochemistry
  • Engineering
  • Geography
  • Gurkhas
  • Hearts & minds
  • The horology industry
  • Infantry doctrine and tactics
  • Legal systems and Law
  • Linguistics
  • Religion and Theology
  • Semantics
  • Sex and sexuality (world-reknowned sexpert, don't you know?)
  • Small-arms
  • Spelling, punctuation and grammar
  • Substantive patent law, patent systems and methodology used to determine patentability
  • Syntax
  • Terrorism
  • Troop strengths in the First World War

(please add more)

His wisdom has spawned a whole thread in honor of it, entitled "Walther War Machine's Big Book of Soldier Knowledge", to be found here: [2]

Some prize examples of his teachings include:

  • The British army hides behind the Gurkhas to avoid spilling lilywhite blood, and uses them as cannon fodder
  • The IRA were only ever active within Ireland and never went international (Im not sure if that discounts the mainland bombing campaign as well)
  • No assault rifle is ever used at 600m, despite PAM2 saying so
  • The BREN cannot fire tracer or AP due to its curved magazine
  • The M1 carbine is "spring operated" (to be fair this is the one thing he ever retracted)
  • The design of the M1 carbine has nothing to do with the M1 Garand (despite the bolt system of one being a direct scaled version of another)
  • Maj. Gen. Julian S. Hatcher (THE small-arms daddy) is wrong
  • An assault rifle is a rifle which is used in the assault
  • You can't even make out the shape of a human body without a scope at 600m
  • Section fire at 600m is done with MG's and cannon (infantry carry cannon)
  • The M16 has been replaced
  • All current assult rifles of recent design are carbines (he's clearly never heard of the C7, Galil, L85, FN2000, Steyr AUG, FN FNC, etc etc etc)
  • Assult (sic) rifles are short-batrreled (sic) rifles
  • The Commonwealth does not exist, and the Queen does not have the power to dissolve the Australian parliament
  • The americans designed and built spitfires
  • The MP44 and the AK47 are mechanically similar
  • French is a strange, unique Celtic language
  • British law is based on Roman law (never heard of "common law"?)
  • Semantics are worthless when discussing facts
  • Semi-automatic weapons are less powerful than bolt-action or revolver weapons (even though it's only a tiny proportion of the excess energy which is be used to operate the mechanism and there's lots of gas escape on a revolver)
  • 9mm wpns are less reliable than 45ACP because 45ACP is more powerful, and 9mm has to use its lower energy to operate the hammer in an SMG (qué, gringo?)
  • "ORBAT" is street slang.
  • Napalm and Agent orange are both Harmless
  • The Uk were not present in the first gulf war.
  • The USMC are the most "efficient fighting force in the world ever becaus of their "kill-ratio" of 10-1" (ignoring Rourkes drift supposedly)
  • The Uk is the worlds largest haven for terrorism
  • Pissing off the neighbours and angering the civilian populous is not important so long as you kill the bad guys
  • Infantry carry several rifles and "change weapon" when going from countryside to Fibua.
  • Noraid did not support the IRA
  • Napalm is a target specific weapon that only harms VC pretending to be civilians (not too sure but that is what he said I think)
  • Something ten times the size will weight ten times as much (even if it is hollow!)
  • There are no non-US citizens in the US military, and if there were the President would have to resign
  • Alaska does not have permit-free concealed carry (apparently a source from 2001 trumps the actual law which was changed in 2003)
  • In patent law, "novelty" is not how it's defined in substantive patent law but is something different and defined by frionscam, as is the concept of "unambiguously derivable".
  • An apeture in the top of a cup is the same as an apeture in the bottom
  • The biggest funder of the IRA is Britain
  • British officers often mistreat Gurkha troops
  • Muzzle velocity is equivalent to power, even when the bullet weights are different
  • Modern weapons do not use ball ammunition
  • Low quality ammunition typically produces a lower velocity.
  • High grade powder produces higher velocities
  • A high rate of fire in an SMG is desirable (despite US tests which showed that 450rpm is optimal)
  • The BREN was meant to be used on a bipod or rested on something, not carried around
  • A .38 revolver is one of the most deadly pistols in the world
  • Nickel and Air have the same density
  • In a jet engine, centrifugal compressors and axial flow stators are indistinguishable
  • The turbojet engine was invented by Henri Coanda
  • Turbojet engines fitted with centrifugal compressors can have their power increased by adding "fans" to the front of the engine
  • Fans and the rotor/stator combination in an axial flow jet engine work in exactly the same way
  • Diesel fuel burns much hotter than jet fuel inside a properly adjusted jet engine
  • A "degree in Philosophy" gives a much better understanding of technical matters (particularly gas turbine engines) than will ever be achievable by people who have degrees in engineering or spend their lives working with jet engines.
  • hollowpoint .22rf from a 9.5" barrelled revolver will expand to the size of a dime, travel through a person and then through Ironman's wall (even though from a rifle it won't go through a bunny!)
  • 9mm pistols are horribly inaccurate at 40ft, with the bullet swerving up and down, left and right through the air.
  • Any wpn with a barrel less than 4-5" is horribly inaccurate beyond 20 paces (even though a 2.5" S&W M19 shoots fine at 50m and ISSF target pistols for use at 25 and 50m have barrel lengths in this range & will shoot clover-leaf groups)
  • The M1 Garand's barrel is .306 calibre
  • Fulton Armoury produced the M1 carbine in WW2
  • Britain did not have any troops in France to counter the German invasion in 1940, and did not support France in any way until D-Day
  • Britain should have paratrooped every available man outside Berlin after the Battle of Britain
  • The British Army was not fully mechanised in 1940
  • If Germany had not declared war on the US, there would have been public support for the US to declare war on Germany
  • The UK was attacked by Germany
  • Britain did not see war with Germany coming
  • British beer is drunk warm
  • Americans prefer American beer and will always drink it in preference to any other
  • Guinness comes from England
  • Mead and beer are the same
  • Not many foreign troops have ever been to the US
  • Alcoholism is rampant in Britain but not in the US
  • Neanderthal is pronounsed [sic] ne-ander-tall
  • Having drunk around 10 imported UK beers makes you an expert on British beer
  • The Chosin River Campaign [sic] was the bloodiest battle in the history of modern warfare (bloodiest then changes to most "brutal", then "brutal and vicious")
  • Britain did not have a nuclear weapons programme in WW2
  • No Brits worked on the Manhattan project
  • You could sign up for the draft around 1979
  • TUBE ALLOYS was just a small paper written by two scientists who said making an atomic weapon could be done, not a government project
  • Britain had no excuse to only send 15,000 troops to Korea, cos the Empire had ended 100 years before thus the UK had no other commitments
  • Triggers can be cocked
  • The Americans used the Kar98 before 1939 and in the war
  • Neither Britain or France has never sent as many as 1 million men to defend another nation.
  • "I have never posted a lie in a forum, any forum"
  • Britain went to war in 1914 out of self-interest and not due obligations arising from the Treaty of London of 1839
  • 9mm Parabellum has a muzzle velocity of 700-1000fps (it doesn't - it's normally a fair bit higher and is supersonic) and thus it's a worse choice for self-defence than .22lr because that has a muzzle velocity of 1200-1400fps
  • No.7 shot from a .410 shotgun will create a devastating wound at point-blank range and will kill a man, guaranteed
  • a .410 shotgun is more powerful than a 12G shotgun
  • .306 is how .30-06 is commonly written
  • Low velocity ammunition is low quality
  • weapon afficionados don't use low-velocity ammunition (oh, i guess this means I'd better ditch the .38spl wadcutter & break out the .357MAG 125gn hi-vel stuff then...)
  • 9mm Parabellum will typically not pass through a human whereas .22lr will
  • The mass of a projectile is not important when considering terminal ballistics
  • Birdshot is devastating against people
  • A .410 fired at a 55gal oil drum from 5 paces will punch a nearly-circular billiard-ball shaped hole
  • Shooting someone in the chest at close range with 3/4oz of no.7 shot from a .410 will put 70-200 holes in their lungs, and they will be dead in seconds to a few minutes. If the pelets [sic] hit the heart, they might be dead virtually instantly.
  • At 5 paces, birdshot from a .410 would likely leave a hole in a man's chest 6 inches deep and 2-3 inches wide, taking bone and everything in the path with it, creating a caver that you could place a few golf balss into [sic]
  • 9mm is low velocity and has poor penetration.
  • A .410 with birdshot will kill any man on Earth with 1 shot to the chest at 7 paces. That is a fact. It is, ... devestating [sic].
  • "How long has it been since anyone applied for a patent for anything new in the design of a mechanical watch" "Quartz has replaced the majority of moving parts in watches since the late 1970's". (Mechanical watch patents are Stoaty's job!!!)
  • Batteries do not work by stripping electrons from one atom and giving them to a cation.
  • You make a battery carry last longer by packing more electrons in.
  • There are different numbers of electrons in an empty battery compared to a full one.
  • IRONMAN invented electric cartridge ignition in 1986
  • There were no patents issued for an electically discharged primer for small arms prior to 2000. (...after having been shown one from 1884)
  • The UK only send a few thousand troops to Korea, the US sending 100 times as many
  • The UK was not involved in any other wars, nor did it have other Empire commitments around the time of Korea
  • The Germans raced to develop the MP44 to compare to the Thompson
  • The greater accuracy of the M1 carbine made it more effective than SMG's in house-to-house fighting
  • German's ideas about weponry were wack, and is part of the reason they were overtaken in almost every instance where heavy German tanks and artillery were absent
  • The MP40 had a rate of fire modifier which was unpopular because it increased jamming
  • The MP 40 was harder to control
  • The MP 40 was inadequate compared to the PPSh


Animal husbandry and welfare:

The genius was losing yet another argument when he threw in a massive red herring, although it might have been a Red Setter. He claimed to be unable to continue with the discussion as his dog had died. Or rather the twat had killed it ! He had left his home, (read padded cell,) for a few days leaving the hound on it's jack but with "a plentiful supply of food and water." He also left an adequate supply of rat poison which the dog, having an IQ several magnitudes higher than Tinwalt himself, decided to scoff and take the easy way out. The agony of having it's guts feel twisted and torn must have been a more soothing thought than another second of listening his master's drivel. Cnuts like this shouldn't be allowed to have animals. Or oxygen.


The ability to talk utter bollocks would also be a major consideration!

He cites such fantastic sources as:

  • The Call of Duty manual
  • His father (USMC corporal)(these two might be the same item as his fathers "war quotes" can all be found in the former)
  • Himself
  • The same out-of-context sentence ad nauseam
  • Sheer personal prejudice

His favourite "argument" tactics are:

  • The straw man argument
  • Ignoring the poster
  • Going off at a tangent
  • Ignoring threads completely rather than admitting defeat
  • Ad-hominems against the poster
  • Calling people "sonny", "batboy" and other purile insults
  • Making gun noises
  • Accuse the poster of being of an anti-American disposition

(feel free to add)

His favourite sayings include:

  • Holy Guano
  • Bullhockey
  • That's chit

Special moves:

  • The "thread jump cross" he will use posts from other threads (which may or may not be relevant) to argue his point, that may well have changed from the original point stated. He will then deny that his point was ever any different, despite it being there plain for everyone to see and having been quoted at length. The original post will then be edited to make it appear that he has been consistent all the way through, even though the original had been quoted repeatedly in the thread. This "special move" can be used many times in the same thread.

Also variously referred to as:

  • TINWALT
  • frionpan / frionscam
  • CUNT
  • IRONING MAN
  • Fucking dribble piss
  • PRIAPICMAN

IRONMAN was banned for a short time after "educating" the forum about Islam. he gave us a brief respite during which several other younger dullards appeared. Many of these were to be accused of having IRONMMAN-like tendencies. But then, He returned. Big and bold as ever, mispelling expletives and ignoring questions, asserting his own veracity, and claiming we are all anti-American blatherers!

Join in the fun if you enjoy poking people with sticks!