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Kebab

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Please. Think of others.

Donner Kebab

Donner (n) - a medium sized ungulate that is killed and macerated to provide kebab meat.

Throughout the Western World there are people who earn their living from people less fortunate than themselves.

Kebab house owners are some of those people, but then again, they ARE Turkish. They prey on people by providing something barely edible - that nobody would even look at in a sober state - at a time when their victims are at their weakest: having just left the pub and struck with a severe case of the 'munchies'.

Fortunately kebabs have a secondary use as a satnav for the Beer Scooter. Paradoxically, simultaneous consumption of this navigational aid does not in any way impair its functionality. Although it may impair yours.

Component Parts of a Donner Kebab

  • The mechanically-recovered meat in a kebab stylishly carved from an 'elephants leg' of meat on the vertical spit is of an unknown animal although it actually BEING an elephants leg is a good possibility. It will have the consistency of Beau Geste's boots.
  • The 'lettuce' is usually limp, of a strange brown hue and may be the parts of a marijuana plant that aren't any use for smoking but does make you think what you are eating is pretty good nosh.
  • The bread will be stale, hard enough to be usable in Hand to Hand Combat
  • The sauce is the master stroke by your Kebab-Pusher. So hot and spicy that your taste buds shut down, rendering your ability to identify shit non-existent AND requiring you to buy something to drink ... or, more accurately, rinse the crap off your tongue.

Even the best kebab is outclassed by a mediocre Gyros.

The Kebab van in the churchyard in the village of Bordon is universally acknowledged as the best vendor of these tasty snacks in the United Kingdom.

Other Kebabs

Yeah fair point but that's donner kebabs. Chicken shish kebabs on the other hand, with tomatoes, onions and a dash of chilli sauce is not only a food of the gods but it's actually quite good for you! And that makes up for the 10 pints, 6 vodkas, 2 pints of snakebite and the Cheeky Vimto that you've consumed earlier in the evening. And that can only be a good thing.