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Leonidas of Sparta

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What's It All About?

Leonidas of Sparta is a seriously important chappy in the film 300. The movie itself is easily one of the campiest, unintentionally amusing, eye-rollingest films ever created.

  • Adults who watch the movie are generally unimpressed.
  • 13 year old boys (and grown men with the brains of 13 year old boys) think 300 is TEH AWESOMEST because of all the BRUTAL FIGHTING.
  • Arty people, on the other hand, think it is TEH AWESOMEST because of all the half-naked men drenched in sweat and engaging in man-touching. Also note all of the phallic spears thrusting deep into tight, oozing wounds...errr....excuse me a minute...

(Long Pause)

sparta_001.jpg
300 signature moment

What is clear is that 300 is responsible for all sorts of silliness, which includes the photo-shopping of King Leonidas' head onto just about anything. It is also responsible for the 2 expressions "Tonight we dine in Hell!" and "This. Is. Sparta!!"

Teh Awesomest Spartan Factoids

  • At the Festival of the Cleaver, the Spartans used to nail sausages to the wall for the older men to gnaw on
  • In reality Spartans were exceptionally nails ... but swung both ways. They were indeed the Gayest of the nailest.
  • Girls had to strip for processions, dances and temple services. That way they wouldn't learn how to show off with fine clothes.
  • At the age of 12 they were allowed a cloak but no tunic. They were only allowed a bath a few times a year.
  • Every few years young trainee warriors were let loose into the countryside to kill and rape in order to keep the helots (2nd class citizens or slaves depending on your point of view) under the thumb. Bit like getting cadets leathered, arming them then letting them loose on Aldershot ... although that might not be a bad idea!