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Lies

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Lies (n.) Almost anything that is said to you whilst in the Army in order to persuade you to do something that you have doubts about. Civilian lies are available, the most popular one being I promise I wont come in your mouth which is oddly on military issue as well.

An outstanding example of a legitimate lie is the exercise "special idea" - read by embarrassed subalterns to bored section commanders in order to make the forthcoming exercise a truly wonderful and realistic experience, and to allow him (the section commander) to consider his higher commander's intent when deciding who to shout at in a rain filled ditch later that week.

In addition:

  • The Tactical ploy used by squaddies to get young women into bed/back of a Vauxhall Nova for the purpose of having it away.
  • Strategic ploy used by the Government to pretend they are actually achieving things rather than just squandering our tax money. Taken to a level of perfection by the nu-liebour government who have lied so much they now cant tell the truth at all.
  • What I tell my boss every time he asks what I've been doing all day when I've spent it on ARRSE!