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Moose Board

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A wall or locker-mounted repository of images featuring aesthetically challenged females from varying sources. Simply cutting pictures out of magazines, however, doth not a moose board make. Each picture has to be carefully gleaned from legitimate sources. One particularly rich vein that is easily tapped is that of the lonely heart. Legions of desperate cock-hugry munters will, after a little buttering up, usually provide images of themselves in various states of undress.

Unfortunately, the golden era of the moose board in the 1970s and '80s necessitated the usage of the local chemists - or mail order developers such as Truprint - to deliver the goods, the downside being that nothing too pornographic ever made the boards - but there were rare exceptions.

Some moose boards achieved legendary status, with pilgrims flocking from far and wide to view the genetic anomalies on display. Most, however, were poor efforts, but nevertheless provided bored squaddies with a modicum of diversion from their day-to-day duties.

The enterprising or imaginative could utilise surplus or below par moose board images to nurture and ferment lesbian relationships via the medium of mail. Some lengthy correspondences ensued, with the clueless would-be carpet munchers naively supplying fresh materiel – both explicitly written and captured on 35mm. Nice.

The advent of technology other than a Box Brownie and a drawing pin, such as laptops and mobile phones with the same data storage capacity as Colossus - plus the medium of digital communication and miniaturised image processing - has pretty much signalled the demise of the moose board, with squaddies now having all manner of amateur filth beamed directly into their brains. Texting, Facebook and Myspace has also played its part in the extinction of the written word - the badly-penned scribble pleading for a cheb shot now a distant memory. [Sniff.]

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