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Moustache

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Hello .. madam, I have come .. to see to .. your back doors.

Small rodent whose preferred habitat is beneath the nasal septum. Usual observed activities are sleeping and building a nest of dried mucus, flakes of Ginster's pasties, etc. Exact reproductive cycle is currently undetermined.

The 'mussie' is also the traditional upper lip adornment of the British Army and a throwback to the days when the sons of Empire sported full sets whilst giving Johnny Foreigner a succession of drubbings. Taken to extremes by RSMs and overweight REME Tiffies the World over by waxing etc., it is today the de rigeur badge of office of THEM (or was until the 1990s).

'They' tend to wear them in the style of Mexican bandits, the reason for which has never been adequately explained. Such outrageous facial hairage was, however, in great demand by producers within the European pornographic industry in the 1970s, and many former members [pun unintended] of the regiment can be viewed giving some Danish bint the good news in many a celluloid bedroom epic of that era. It was due to regimental influence of the Scandinavian adult film industry that usage of the 'crouching soldier' position became the accepted norm - along with the retention of hosiery and/or footwear 'in action'.

A particularly fine example of a moustache (with pouting, smouldering, sex appeal) as sported by a member of one of the so-called boy bands which are popular with today's youth is available here.