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Naked Bar

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A popular and enjoyable past-time in the Officers Mess, particularly when female officers can be persuaded to take part. It's also a well-renowned and much-echoed call of Lineys.

Alas, this ancient pastime is now under threat, as the result of the leaking of a video of a somewhat barbaric Royal Marines naked barbecue to the News of the World.

There are essentially two versions of the Naked Bar:

The Fantasy

This typically would involve a scenario in which a limited number of male officers or soldiers find themselves in a bar full of nubile lovelies, perhaps from the women's company at RMAS [What's it called? Sappho Company? I can never remember] or a busload of nurses from Rinteln. After the words 'Naked Bar' are called, the only sound to be heard is the swish of silky lingerie coming off and the snapping of suspenders being released, perhaps enhanced by the odd girlish giggle.

The Reality

A 'Naked Bar' is called in premises containing 47 male soldiers in various stages of obesity, and two visitors from the WI. As soon as the first shoe comes off, both women leave. Pints of lager are then served to a lot of fat naked men in a room smelling strongly of feet.