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North

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As a place, it may be grim up North, but it's shit down South.

The North is full of friendly locals, great beer, wonderful scenery, cheap housing and fat women.

As a direction, it's the one in which a magnetised compass needle should point. There are several Norths, including polar North, magnetic North, grid North, Oliver North and celestial North.

All of them are generally in the direction of upwards. Apart from Oliver North, who is generally in the direction right.

To avoid being a total fcuk-up on NavEx, one should first ascertain one's theoretical position on God's green Earth. This is easily accomplished by looking at one's map, which gives one the appropriate Grid Ref. It also provides the Grid Ref of one's objective. The line between these two is known as the Line of March. Before attempting to march, one should convert this theoretical line into a line relative to the North Pole. Only one's trusty Silva compass can accomplish this esoteric conversion.

Having established a Grid bearing on which to march, one then adds the magnetic variation. If one has chosen to march on a grid bearing of e.g: 800mils, and the MV is e.g: 144mils, one should set one's trusty Silva compass to 944mils and march accordingly.

If in the southern hemisphere, one should theoretically apply the opposite calculation. Hence, if one were marching on 800mils grid bearing, one's magnetic (trusty Silva compass) bearing would be 656mils. In all cases, be guided by the map Legend and MV guide. This is your most up-to-date information available. (Forget GPS - batteries go flat.)