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Nottingham in Nottinghamshire is famous for the stories of forest-dwelling Robin Hood, Maid Marion, his 'merry men' and the evil Sheriff of Nottingham. That's what the spams come to see anyhow - fully expecting Nottingham's inhabitants to kitted out in doublet, hose and longbows.

The reality is more sinister. Nottingham is the LA of the United Kingdom. Ask where all the wandering minstrels are, and you're more likely to have some 'homie nigga' bust a cap in yo miserable white ass. Friday night in the city centre is about as pleasurable an experience as being anally raped by a Great Dane with rabies. Basra is easy compared to a night on the lash in Nottingham.

It's worth taking one's life in to one's own hands however, for a visit to The Trip to Jerusalem - one of the city's oldest boozers, and one time recruiting office for the Crusades.

It is also the location of:-