|Stick - Pace|
Personal weapon of the Drill Pigs. Effective at thirty yards and, when opened at full extent, can be used as an area weapon.
The shiny bit on the end has a natural homing device which which naturally points directly into the face of a gobby/scruffy/poorly turned-out cnut - whose life will shortly become far more miserable than it was before.
Drill pigs are often heard to remark that they intend to insert the shiny, polished end up some miserable scrote's back passage prior to flicking them off the square or using them as a lollipop etc., though few have seen this actually achieved. It would probably be interesting to question a Drill Pig's wife to ascertain whether the pace stick does feature in Bedroom Drill.
There’s a story that goes thusly: The Razzman is inspecting the troops. He stops at one particularly bad order soldier and prods him in the chest, saying “there’s shit on the end of this stick”. The squaddie replies “yes sir, and it’s not on this end”.
This is a true story and happened at every unit I was ever posted to. Sadly the guy was always posted just before I arrived, but he was called Scouse/Taff/Jock/Geordie. You must know him! Wore a lot of green and had a short haircut.