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Pol Pot

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Pol Pot
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Showman of the Century

A committed environmentalist, hippie and highly successful comedian, Pol Pot played everything for laughs.

Early Life

At the age of six Pol Pot was sent off to become a Buddhist monk by his loving parents. After a while, however, he abandoned the monastic life and decided to go into stand-up comedy. In spite of this, he studied in France.

As a ground breaking comedian

As a comedian Pol Pot returned to Cambodia, where, after a long and brutal civil war, he established himself as the unquestioned master of laughter. Whenever he told a joke, literally everyone collapsed laughing. Even people who hadn't heard him properly. It must have been timing, or something. Pol Pot (or Lol Pot as he now liked to be known) then went into guerrilla comedy, where he and his followers the Cambodian comedy store, (lit Khmer Rouge) would ambush unsuspecting Cambodians and amuse them with acts of hilarity including torture, savage beatings and burial alive, much to the delight of all.

As a politician

Not content with his first rate comedy act, Pol Pot seized the government, and set about imposing his world vision. He became enthralled by the ideals of the environmentalist movement, and took radical and afirmative steps to combat overpopulation.

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Food is for poofs.

He also became a hippie, and made sure everyone went back to the land, so as to live in harmony with mother nature. Entire cities were emptied at gunpoint, and thousands trampled to death in an overenthusiastic display of support for this idea - some even managing to trample themselves into mass graves. Later Pol Pot became even more hippie, and decided guns were "evil Maaaannnn". From now on, anyone who disagreed with the ethos of the laid back peaceful world view of the Khmer Rouge would be bludgeoned with a wrench, then buried alive in a mass grave.

Under his rule, Cambodia became the freest state on earth. Literally everyone got to do exactly what Pol Pot wanted. And what he wanted everyone to do was starve. Yes, Pol Pot was a dietician who put Dr Atkins to shame. Unfortunately, Dr Atkins didn't take too kindly to the competition, and, as a rich capitalist, he managed to hire the Vietnamese army in to crush Pol Pot's regime thus starting the Cambodia/Vietnam war, which didn't end too well for Lol Pot.

He ended his days in exile, telling jokes to all he met, but for some reason he seemed to have lost the comedic magic of his youth. Still, even the greatest comedy acts go stale after a while.