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RAF Police

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AKA Snowdrops.

The RAF Police are, amongst other things, responsible for the security of trooping flights to and from such such cultural hotspots as Basra and the Balkans. In this role, they take a perverse pleasure in confiscating Leatherman tools and Swiss Army knives from heavily armed soldiers, and X-Raying rifles, pistols and other tools of the military trade to ensure that there is nothing dangerous hidden inside them. Another Cunt's Trick popular with the RAF police is the confiscation of material that they deem culturally offensive, like FHM and Loaded, whilst ignoring magazines like Vogue and Cosmopolitan which actually normally include much more nudity and explicit sexual material.


The entrance requirments for RAF Police are the lowest in any of the armed forces and can be found just below RAF Police Dog and Acting Bog Cleaner 2nd Class in the RAF recruiting manual. After initial training any sense of humour, compassion, wit, sophistication or intelligence is surgically removed during a lengthy 10 hour operation involving a hammer, a rusty corkscrew and a large flask of sulphuric acid.


Only then is the recruit deemed fully prepared to carry out his duties. During training there is a heavy emphasis on sexual self abuse and Waltism. In civillian life ex-RAF Police are unemployable with most of them ending up as traffic wardens or RNIB Dog trainers.


It will come as no surprise that the RAF police are not an entirely popular organisation anywhere within the armed forces, and that its personnel live in segregation like the nonces in a maximum security prison.