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Rod Stewart

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Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

Roderick Bartholemew Albert Schintzel Adolf Stuart is a singer. He was born in 1945 to Mavis Brown, Acting Bog Cleaner 2nd Class of Albert Square and Obersturmbannfuhrer Tony Hart, artist and former Nazi Concentration Camp guard.

The stigma of this parentage was too much for the young Stewart, so in 1957 aged only eighteen he ran away with a Milf called Maggie. He toyed with the idea of stealing his fathers Luger and becoming a professional pool player for a while, but the Kray Twins who ran the East End of London at the time didn't like the right-wing overtones of Rods victory salute.

Stewart was forced to run away, and took a long sea voyage to Gravesend. It was during this time that he wrote his hit "Sailing". Rod landed on the sunny shores of Essex and enrolled at the Jade Goody School of Political Correctness. Whilst here, he realised that being a fascist wasn't really the thing for the 1960's, and converted himself into a hippy, joined CND, and realising that being an ethnic minority would improve record sales, decided he was in fact Scottish.

Now the show really was on the road. He hired a band of South American pan-pipe players with shrunken heads (The Small Faces) to play backing to his sexy, gravelly voice. In 1972, an on-line poll to 10 Downing Street forced Prime Minister Winston Churchill to take action and the non-PC name was outlawed. Outraged, Stewart left the band and went solo. The band renamed themselves as "The Faces", but sank into obscurity when nobody thought they were funny any more.

Stewart enjoyed a long list of hits throughout the 1970s and early 1980s, and although his fan base matured, Stewart found it hard to adapt. He can still be seen wearing skin tight leopard skin trousers and a mullet in the 21st century.

Rod also had a relatively successful football career playing over 700 games for AC Milan and Scotland, the highlight of his career scoring a hat-trick against England in the 1982 World Cup finals.