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Sarah Palin

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I would... but not at the expense of the free world!

Sarah Palin was the Governor of Alaska - at least for a little while, until the allegations of corruptiuon and her desire to make millions as White Oprah took over - and in that capacity was the Republican Party's running mate for presidential hopeful John McCain in 2008. You thought the choice of Dubya reflected badly on the Jesus-and-Capitalism party? This ego-drenched, vacant bitch was supposed to be the best option the nation had to step in when the terminally fucked-up mess of unresolved angst that was McCain "passed" whilst in the middle of complimenting his lovely wife.

Another in the great line of good-looking running mates designed to attract the attention of shallow spam voters... mainly because the voter has the attention span of a goldfish.

While quite hot, a MILF and now a GILF (courtesy of her under-aged daughter), Palin (nicknamed Caribou Barbi) is, quite frankly, barking. She believes in the creation rather than evolution, drilling in Alaska**, distribution of firearms to the under 5's, couldn't name one newspaper she reads on a regular basis (probably none ever), has zero idea what exists outside the US (some say outside of Alaska is a stretch) and has used her political position to pursue a vendetta against her ex-brother in law. Quality attributes in a US politician.

Her surprise inclusion on the ticket was initially hailed a great success as she appealed to the ordinary 'Joe six pack' in the street (as well as the Evangelical nutters) and gave McCain his only lead in the contest. However after she started opening her mouth it was realized she was all image and spin [Sounds like an ex-PM we once had]. Post-election failure analysis has indicated she terrified 'independent' voters viz. the good folks of Shitsplatville who voted in droves for Obama, despite his disturbing "uppity" tendencies and their unresolved and barely-concealed racism.

Mostly unable to string an intelligible sentence together unless it was up on a teleprompter, she instead relied upon gurning at rallies whilst showing off the flaccid lump of a future glazing-moistener that is the inevitable result of a pro-lifer getting up the stick in her 40's: she further burdened it with a name like Solenoid or Tranq or something (just like the rest of her kids/brands), probably after a cement company. Her attempts at adlibbing answers to interviewers questions have resulted in huge laughs on Saturday Night Live when a lookalike (Tina Fey) simply repeats the confused jumble of unrelated words.

Once her own side realized what a liability she was, she was mostly kept out of sight in the final run up to the election but the damage had been done.

Palin would have stood a one in three chance of taking over as President (should McCain have won) simply through McCain dying of old age. For once the Spams showed some fecking sense and elected Obama... who may last an entire week before some good old boy plugs that uppity n*gger. Obviously no-one would be crass enough to run a dead pool on who assassinates Obama, when, where and how.

The conservative/evangelical right was looking to groom her as their presidential nominee. However, the Republican faithful have now decided that Palin is, after all, too moderate for their tastes and so have chosen as their exemplar of Republican womanhood a swivel-eyed witch from Minnesota called Michele Bachmann, who first rose to fame in 2005 when she insisted the USA government hold show trials for "unpatriotic" employees - that is, anyone who questioned GWB's policies.


[**She certainly does, being the progenitor of multiple children!]