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Single European Currency

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Known variously as the European Currency Unit (ECU) or (latterly) the imaginatively named Euro. This is someone's idea of a brilliant idea - and it's a fucking belter. Let's scrap individual national currencies and have one enormous out-of-control financial monster. Eggs & baskets etc.

Now it doesn't take much in the way of grey matter to figure out that countries have different economies. For example, The boxheads make lots of money from manufacturing flash motors and sausages. Likewise, the perfidious Frogs produce semi-flash motors, cheese, wine and onions. The purse-stealing bottom-pinchers also knock out some surprisingly flash waggons along with pizzas and leather trousers. Now one simply cannot expect countries such as Portugal, whose economy is based entirely on golf and... er... golf, to be able to punch at the same weight as financial behemoths such as those crazy, sexy Dutch and their global cheese and clog-manufacturing base.

The bogtrotters found this out quite early on when they realised that you cannot base an entire economy on leprachauns and a nylon-clad bevvy of spray-tanned clog dancers... and Guinness. The alarm bells didn't stop the plate-smashers from chomping at the bit to join the Eurozone though. Greece is a case in point. The bubbles aren't known for their fiscal robustness and, frankly, their country was an accident waiting to happen... which it did in 2011. A population that's virtually entirely state-employed and pays fuck all tax and retires almost as soon as they've popped out of the whomb is going to be a burden. Still, hey ho.

The naiveté of this project is staggering. It's like expecting The Arndale Centre to have the same turnover as Poundland in Leicester. And quite how a country that's (thankfully) not even using the fucking stupid currency (that's us by the way) to indebt itself even further with the IMF in order to finance the bail out of the failing Mediterranean economies hasn't been adequately explained - especially as we pretty much keep their economies afloat anyway. San Miguel and Keo doesn't drink itself you know.

Countries which traded their currency in for this pile of shit funny money are:

Disadvantages

  • International money laundering is made easier.
  • It dispensed with some rather attractive and historical currencies which had been in circulation for 700 years.
  • It takes a regular battering on the stock markets.
  • When one country goes in to economical recession - the whole shooting match goes in to meltdown - which it pretty much has done... as predicted.
  • It's not got the Queen's head on it.
  • It's worth less than the Mongoslavian slbōdsk but surprisingly more then a US dollar (go figure).

Advantages

  • None. It won't be long before you can exchange 30,000,000 Mongolian tögrögs for €5.00, as the European Union seems hell bent on letting every cnut have a ride on der bandlastwagen. Next stop Japan. Konichi wa!