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Stephen Gough

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A yomping I shall go!

Stephen Gough - the 'Naked Rambler' and former Royal Marine. [Quelle surprise!] Steve is famous for walking from Land's End to John o'Groats in 2003–2004 with nothing on except boots & bergen. No change there then some would opine, old habits etc. Unfortunately for Steve, the law takes a very dim view of habitual todger-waving and, predictably, has smyted our hero with almost Biblical vengeance. He has been arrested several times and put in prison in the course of his rambles.

Undeterred, the ex-Booty repeated the journey in 2005–2006 - this time accompanied by his attractive (and very naked) girlfriend Melanie Roberts. This very spectacle should have been enough to have had the highways and byways of this sceptic isle lined with cheering masses, but no. He was promptly arrested: twice in England. Unfortunately for Steve (avec missus) the Porridge Wogs have different laws and after crossing the the frontier there were more pulls by the polis - the current total being... er... lots!

Not taking the hint Steve was again arrested for for being in contempt of court [Is there any other kind of contempt?] and appeared (in an almost Christ-like visage) naked before the beak. He served a three month sentence in HMP Edinburgh before cocking a snook at authority and continuing his tab. In retrospect, he was lucky to avoid stoning and crucifixion.

Gough claims that ordering him to wear clothes for his court appearance 'breached Article 6 of the European Convention on Human Rights - Right to a Fair Trial.' He also claims that Articles 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 11 have been repeatedly breached by the authorities since he and Melanie arrived in Scotland.

Poor ol' Steve. He was arrested yet again in May 2006 at Edinburgh airport after de-kitting during a flight from Southampton and refusing to get dressed. Had it been a flight from/to Ibiza then this would have been acceptable - if not mandatory. However, for this he was banged up for seven months. Remember kids, thievery and violence carries LESS stigma within the law than a bit of sobriety and associated nakedness.

Pissed + Naked = High Spirits. Sober + Naked = Slammer.

Somehow, in April 2007 Steve managed to get off charges related to his 'refusing to dress upon being released in to Saughton Prison car park' in Edinburgh, but it wasn't to be long before he was back in the shit. In December 2008 Steve was convicted of a 'Breach of the Peace' and jailed for 12 months.

This last bit is a fucking revelation. Using that law, every single housing estate in the land should thus be a harbour of tranquility. Sod the ASBOs, Breach of the Peace it is and every gobby cnut wakes up in a cell and the streets are swept clean of pikey filth overnight. Hurrah!

Whichever way one looks at Steve's antics, all that needs pointing out is that:

  • He's harmless
  • He doesn't physically hurt anyone
  • He doesn't break anything
  • Or steal anything
  • He's eccentric
  • He's an ex-Royal, and has thus done more than some to qualify for Human Rights
  • He's obviously fucking nails, as who else would wander around this freezing, windswept shithole in the Bollocky Buff?

And they JAIL him? In a nation blighted by serial-murdering paedophiles, chavs, and home-grown suicide bombers outrage is not enough.

External Links

Mr Gough's Website

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