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His mum!

An ARRSE User.

Product of an unholy union betwixt man and Mustelida (that's a weasel-like creature to those who failed CSE woodworking), the Stoat makes his home amongst the other assorted anoraks and real ale drinkers of the Shooting Sports, Current Affairs and Intelligence Cell forums.

A part-time Spam by marriage, in real life the Stoat runs a small bed-and-breakfast-type hostel for disadvantaged boys with finger-in-the-dike-related trauma issues in the Dutch Mountains.

Recently Stoat managed to break a world record by assembling the highest density of libertarian anthropologists in one room. The two right wing "liberals" sat only 5 feet apart for an entire evening - thus qualifying for a mention in the Guinness Book of Records.

A cunning linguist, the Stoat can swear in four -- yes, count them, four -- modern European languages. Zwei Bier, arrschloch!

He counts as his finest hour achieving a grade G in GCSE music with a specialism on the triangle.

An enthusiastic supporter and alleged participant in the extreme sport of Zwaffelling. He claims never to have been airbummed by anyone under the rank of Lt Colonel.