Here lies a tale of tragedy, injustice, woe and lots of other institutionalised badness. Let it be a lesson to ye all. Tariq Ghaffur CBE QPM. Former Assistant Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, bronze medallist... and victim.
Born in Uganda in 1958, poor Tariq - still in the throes of adolescence - was forcibly ejected from the former Crown Colony at gunpoint after tyrannical President Idi Amin decided he'd had enough of polyester shirts and Vesta curries and decided to expel 'all the Pakis'... like yer do.
Unlucky Tariq ended up in the UK. As if that wasn't bad enough, he awoke from the African bad dream to find himself in Manchester... in 1972. It was a strange land: Ford Cortinas, questionable dress sense, unintelligible dialect and Didsbury.
Fortunately for Tariq, his leery shirts, beige flares, white slip-ons and love of spicy nosh were just the ticket and he blended in with the locals perfectly. Unfortunately - after a night on the lash in Rusholme - he came to from a drunken stupor and realised he'd been pressed in to service with the newly-formed Greater Manchester Police. It was now 1974 and ABBA were kicking arse at the Eurovision Song Contest.
Horrified at what had happened, the young Tariq cracked on, and after probation and a short time in uniform, found himself as a CID detective - much to his shock. Life was harsh, as Tariq was the only 'wog in the office'. He was a victim from Day 1 when the desk sergeant on his first day refused him admission to the station for not being of the Aryan persuasion.
Nevertheless, Tariq rose through the ranks - against his will - and made Superintendent. The bastards! Getting the fuck out of Dodge, a frightened Tariq panicked and (due to a spelling mistake) inadvertently transferred to the Leicestershire Force. He was again promoted and appointed Assistant Chief Constable in Lancashire Constabulary, after his application was eventually accepted. Was there no escape from this victimisation?
The blatant racism didn't stop there and after having the rank of Deputy Chief Constable forcibly conferred upon him at Lancashire, he transferred to the 'Met' in 1999 - this time as a Deputy Assistant Commissioner. The horror continued and in 2001, the unfortunate Tariq was yet again promoted to Assistant Commissioner.
If that wasn’t bad enough, he was humiliated even further by being coerced in to going to Buckingham Palace to receive a Queen’s Police Medal. It was a traumatic experience – and one that his sniggering superiors exploited even further by ensuring he had a repeat performance of the shame three years later, when the dastardly bastards tricked him in to another trip to accept a CBE.
Hounded from department to department he was left with no choice but to head three of the Metropolitan Police's Operational Command Units: the Directorate of Performance, Review and Standards in 2001; the Specialist Crime Directorate from November 2002; and Central Operations from 2006.
But enough was enough. In June 2008 he (quite rightly) accused his own force of racism, claiming that the police car sirens were making howler monkey noises, that he had to make his own coffee because people were spitting in it, and because 'he was black' - as was the SS-style uniform he was forced to wear. On 28 August 2008, Ghaffur held a press conference at which he accused his Nazi boss Sir Ian Blair of racism and discrimination, and confirmed speculation that he would take white supremacist Sir Ian and the whole rotten edifice that is the Metropolitan Police to ‘the fucking cleaners’ to the tune of £100 million.
The following days saw a nervous Tariq receive death threats from the Met’s Abwehr Division. As a consequence his lawyers hired a firm of private bodyguards to secure his safety. Exasperated and exhausted, Tariq had had enough and threw in the towel. He was up against dark forces and he knew he could not win.
This poor man, who had been at a disadvantage from the very day he slipped out of the womb was reduced to a quivering wreck by the very country he had hoped would be his salvation. All he'd wanted was a quiet life. Instead he found himself just the third highest ranking policeman in the country - and nobody remembers the guy who came third.
Abused, ridiculed, attacked from all quarters and victimised by his own kind, Tariq accepted defeat and a paltry £300,000, expenses and an index-linked pension – all funded at taxpayer’s expense. Quite right too. There is some justice in this unfair and corrupt world after all.