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The First Rule Of Combat

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"Always remember the first rule of combat..."

There seems to be some confusion about what the first rule of combat is. Contenders include:

  • Try to finish with the same number of holes in your body you started with.
  • Never get separated from your kit (Stonker's Grandad swore by this: and he learned it from his Dad)
  • Never eat yellow snow.
  • Friendly Fire isn't.
  • Admin your animals, your kit, then yourself.
  • Never piss off a Gurkha.
  • Never attack without at least a 3 to 1 superiority in numbers.
  • If in doubt, brew up.
  • Look after your feet.
  • If the enemy have fruit and you have guns... it shouldn't be too hard a battle.
  • Never deploy with 3 Para Mortar Platoon behind you.
  • Never invade Russia in winter.
  • Never invade Afghanistan - whatever the season.
  • When 33 Alpha is about, Watch out!
  • Combatants over 40 years of age must remember the vital three sub-rules : 1. Never pass up the chance of a leak; 2. Never waste an erection (even if you're on your own); 3. Never trust a fart.
  • Remember that the MoD went to the lowest bidder for your weapons and ammunition.
  • The Spam is not your friend ... no matter what Gordon says.


Feel free to add any more should you be inclined to do so.