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Training Film

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OK, as the page originator (a formal title which has huge ARRSE credibility so get writing), I would politely ask that the other sort of training videos are not discussed in depth here. Anyway:

"The Long and Short of it". Having realised that we are all totally thick, sexist and gagging for it, particularly while on exercise, the producers decided to deal with the not very complex idea of the shape of the GPMG beaten zone (the dangerous bit) in quite an inventive way. Very inventive in fact as I only saw it once and it made quite an impression on me.

The zone is long and thin if you tweak something, and short and fat if you do something else. Ahh haah! Said the producer, who been in the NAAFI to see squaddy life the night before, we can compare this to a shapely tall, thin lady, and an equally shapely short, fat one. Soldiers everywhere could therefore dream of, well whichever one they fancied really, while firing their GPMG's over the heads of training troops and at baddies.

Surprisingly no-one has yet used this one in the CO's office or court as an excuse for beating the wrong zone.

"The Stupidity Factor". A collection of ideas to make those exercises fly by. I seem to remember the producers suggested that you might consider:

Sticking a thunderflash under a helmet then get loads of people to gather round for a close look.
Taking a large piece of old det cord and anything else really dangerous you can get your hands on, and burning it.

It was on a cold, wet afternoon on CPTA when the basic training staff at the Intelligence Corps depot constituted themselves as the 'Ammunition Accident Display Team' after satisfactorily firing an old steel para helmet several hundred feet in the air with a thundie to impress the recruits. What else could they do? Well certainly disembowel a Schermuly and attach a thundie to the rocket inside; and why not detonate a half filled bottle of petrol by taping a thundie in the neck; and what about the trip-flare/thundie combo double-play. Hours of fun were had by all, and surprisingly, no lives were lost.

Is it me or were all those clag SSVC teaching granny to suck eggs films, narated by Dennis Waterman?