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A very strange and mysterious chap who spends most of his time baiting others in Current Affairs. He claims he is intelligent, funny and handsome but reports (from his mother) suggest otherwise! Always keen to rant on about becoming an OC but, due to a bionic knee and a wooden ankle, analysts believe he won't last long when the weather closes in on Long Reach and shorts the electrics in the knee. He is absolutely captivated by Officers_Bird and has fablonned pictures of her blown up to poster size in his star-wars decorated bedroom. He wants to lick her armpits and bite her lower leg! His love of Officers Bird is worrying as she has recently spotted a tall Irishman hanging around her workplace....