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Turkey, land of the shag ... pile.

1. A country which is both in Europe and Asia, and is populated by the Turks. Turkey used to be the home of the Ottoman Empire. Only prompt action by The Doctor and a slutty blonde assistant prevented Killer Ottomans from taking over Europe in the 16th and 17th centuries.

  • Turkey is also known for the invention of the kebab. An invention which has brought joy to inebriated people all over the world. Another famous Turkish invention is raki which has brought inebriation to people all over the world.
  • Turkey's main exports are Turkish people and old carpets.
  • Under the leadership of Mustafa Kemal Ataturk separated church and state, made Turkey acceptably Western, ensured that rabid muslims were kept in their place and promised not to rip off Brit tourists too badly.
  • Currently miffed that the Spams are calling the mass murder of two million Armenians living in Turkey genocide. Currently miffed that the Kurdistan Workers’ Party (PKK) and have threatened strikes against their bases in northern Iraq. Currently miffed that islam is again on the rise threatening the secular state thats the most efficient in the muslim world. Not a happy country right now.

2. A large bird which lives wild in America and is often eaten at Christmas. Bernard Matthews seems to be able to make almost anything out of turkey, and as such his products are eaten all year round (though mostly by people who can't afford real meat).