Walt Was Never There
Walt was never there
Walt was never there you see, He was never very willing, Quite happy to steal the glory though, From those who’d took the shilling.
Walt was an enigma, He’d walked the walk with ‘THEM’, He’d stormed the Jebel Akhdar, He’d appeared on ITN.
His acquaintances were legion, He was a regimental hit, He knew the colour of the Boathouse, He’d been out to the ‘Pit’.
He was the airborne look personified, All tour ‘tache and cropped hair, And non-regulation sideys, But Walt was never there.
Tall tales down at the local, Bombs falling from the sky, From Ajax Bay to Stanley, But all a stupid lie.
The office girls all loved him, He was treated like a Lord, If only they’d known better, ‘Cause Walter was a fraud.
He told of mates and comrades, Who never made it back, Of ‘Dusty’, ‘Tug’ and ‘Dinger’, At a switch his mood turned black.
Obfuscation and mendacity, Were tools of Walter’s trade, He dug himself even deeper, ‘Twas the bed that he had made.
He’d read McNab and Ryan, Seen all the films and more, He told of slotting Jundies, He really knew the score.
He’d been first man on the balcony, His audience gasped in awe, Walt did not know when to stop, So he gave the poor fools more.
He was ‘handy with a Gimpy’, He was the Troop’s main man, With ‘Taffy’, ‘Smudge’ and ‘Fiji’ Bob, With Mobility in the ‘Stan.
He’d been in the local paper, A hero to the bone, But he still lived with his mother, No girlfriend and alone.
Walt had been and done it all, Tall tales of daring do, They really all believed him, They didn’t have a clue.
The piper piped at sunset, The bugle played Last Post, Those present all shed their tears, But Walter hurt the most.
He’d spent his life a dreamer, Of parachuting through the air, But he’d never been in action, ‘Cause Walt was never there.
The real victim was Walter, Who lived a pathetic lie, His actions were an insult, To those who’d served and died.
He’d taken so much trouble, He thought he’d got it right, Medals mounted in right order, But somehow outed at first sight.
It was all too much for Walter, He was exposed as a joke, So he decided to take his own life, And was found hanging from a rope.
Originally penned by Buck Felize, June 2007