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Wank Sock

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L1A1 Green Sock Conversion

Converted from the standard issue L1A1 Green Sock, the Sacrificial Sock has been thickly coated with Range Glue to provide a relatively waterproof receptacle for the products of the British soldier's occasional forays into the recesses of his dark imagination. Wank socks are often to be found lurking near the foot of the soldier's Sleeping Bag, Or also in the built in wank sock pockets.

When the trusty old wank sock is nowhere to be found, other items have been known to take its place.

Such items that are known of so far are as follows:

Tinned Sausages and Beans

Simply remove the sausage in the middle, and do the deed. Points to note on the tinned beans and sausage are to watch your testicles on the sharp edges. D.I.Y Castrations have a good tendency to cause unimaginable pain. Its also adds to the pleasure if you can get the tin to the right temperature- if you do choose to heat the tin up prior to molesting it then be sure not to over do it, Severe genital scolding WILL render you ineffective in combat. Another point to note is if someone offers you an open tin of the said product then don't think they are being friendly with you. it will more than likely have a certain extra something in it that isn't stated on the ingredient table on the tin.

Tesco Bags

When desperate times call for desperate measures, You're out of tinned foods and your socks look like they have been blasted with a full industrial sized tin of starch, then you can always rely on your trusty polythene friend.

Pepperami Wrapper

For the less well endowed members of HM Forces.

Calippo Ice Lolly Wrapper

For when you're really desperate in the field. The icy cold burning sensation can be used to extend the pleasure - if you don't end up with frostbite on your todger that is.