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War on Terror

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One of a series of 'wars' declared on things that can't ever be beaten but will continue to threaten us forever. These include the War on Drugs, the War on Crime and the War on Poverty.

The War on Terror has so far achieved the following:

  • The invasion of two countries in the Middle East - so pissing off followers of Islam who resent infidels tramping about, shooting up their holy places and people.
  • Instability in oil prices giving us all a pain in the wallet every time we fill up the car with petrol.
  • Mandatory ID cards by 2010 which will be a godsend to any identity theft criminals, telemarketers or a future police state - which we will have to pay for under penalty of fines (in the range of £2500) if we don't.
  • 'Shoot to kill' and a 'drag people away to pokey on no evidence' policies by UK police forces.
  • An extradition treaty with the USA that means anyone in the UK can be extradited on NO EVIDENCE despite no reciprocal agreement existing (though this may be reviewed 'soon').
  • British squaddies deployed all over the World at a time when the government appears to be reducing manpower and only spending money on aircraft carriers, frigates/destroyers, air superiority fighters and the next generation of nuclear submarines/missles - none of which will have any fecking effect on a terrorist.
  • Screaming hysteria, fighters scrambled and passenger jets emergency landing in peoples' back gardens every time a drunk on a plane starts complaining about not being allowed any more booze.

As Monty Python member Terry Jones wrote, it is awfully hard to wage war on an abstract noun. How could it surrender?

John Brennan, Barack Obama's chief adviser on counter-terrorism, announced in August 2009 the end of the "global war on terror". Not because they had won but because a "global war" sounds as if the US is fighting the rest of the world. Given US Friendly Fire incidents we already felt this!

One notable good outcome of The War Against Terror is that we can talk about the T.W.A.T on daytime TV.